Google to Nationally Publish News Free

MOUNTAIN VIEW, Calif. — In a publishing quadruple-whammo punch, Google today announced that it effectively had taken control of the major news corporations in the US not owned by either The New York Times or Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. — but including Tribune Co. and Sun-Times Media, Chicago; McClatchy, Seattle; Gannett in Maryland, Delaware, and Eastern Viriginia; to name a few. Over 35 companies in all sold their stock to the Google Cash Machine. Read more Google to Nationally Publish News Free


Phillies Fan Flogs Golly for Tickets

An American woman charged with offering sex in exchange for World Series baseball tickets maintains she has committed no crime nor done anything wrong by flogging her golly on the internet.

“I’m not embarrassed about my actions but I’m effin’ furious about how I was set up and then arrested,” Fellattia Wankerstein, from the Slutborough Heights area of Philadelphia, told Fux News. “I mean, even career hookers are allowed to ply their trade and wares on the public streets but when I try to get tickets for the Phillies-Yankees game I get targeted by the local Gestapo’s dodgy deviant Vice Squad.” Read more Phillies Fan Flogs Golly for Tickets


Guilty Verdict for Chavette Cat Killer

A 16-year-old Camberwell chavette has been ordered to perform 200 hours of community service work for the crew of HMS Belfast after being found guilty of drowning a cat which lived on the battleship.

The teenager, Chantelle McSlag, who can’t be named for legal reasons, was apprehended last month by naval security after CCTV cameras caught her throwing the ship’s cat into the dock. Read more Guilty Verdict for Chavette Cat Killer