Weapons Inspector: Suicide Profession or Good Fun?

Police are investigating a possible crime scene after a British atomic energy and weapons specialist involved in negotiations with Iran over its nuclear programme fell 40 metres to his death inside the UN’s headquarters building in Vienna.

Officials announced this morning that the man – named as Professor Timothy Hampton – died on the spot yesterday after a fall from the 17th floor at the Vienna International Kamikaze Centre – one of the United Nations main European HQ’s along with Geneva. Read more Weapons Inspector: Suicide Profession or Good Fun?

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Palin Unstoppable in New York Pre-Election Win

ALBANY, NY — Professional Political Campaigner and Alaska’s Former Republican Governor Sarah Palin stacked up yet another pre-election win today against Less Formidable Republican Campaigner and Georgia’s Newt Gingrich in a state House seat battle where neither opponent resides — New York.

Palin campaign spokesperson Meg Stapleton’s spokesperson played Stapleton’s taped press statement of Palin’s hand-written statement. Read more Palin Unstoppable in New York Pre-Election Win

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Idiotic India Goes on Wicked Witch Hunt

A small coven of women were paraded naked, beaten with sticks of rhubarb and forced to eat human excrement by superstitious villagers after being branded as witches in India’s remote northern Moronland province.

Police chief Ramjam Jaffacake told a reporter from the Ducking Stool Gazette that the victims were Muslim widows who had been labelled as witches by a local Hindu fakir – Ragtat Gaga – after he saw them riding broomsticks and fornicating with a ‘man-goat’ in a dream the previous night. Read more Idiotic India Goes on Wicked Witch Hunt

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