NUTTER CORBYN & Creepy Labour Sidekicks Respond to Resurgent Irish Terror Epidemic… But How?!

Fresh from his usual wreath-laying and rampant whataboutery-storms, Jeremy ‘Jihadi Jez‘ Corbyn and Red Ken (or should it be black flag Ken?!) have provided some helpful advice to help to do some damage control…

Now that the IRA are trying to wreak more havoc with their old-school Marxist terror games.

In his usual self-effacing manner, Corbyn humblebrags:

Now do excuse me if I’ve said this before, but the Jeremy Corbyn Generator, not unlike the Holy Quran and Das Kapital, has the answer to every possible human dilemma. Now let me just see what the generator has to say…

Audience agog, Jez began to buzz and click and whirr out the following tedious, mechanical boilerplate in his customary seductive murmur…

Islam/Catholicism/Irish Republicanism/the Palestinian Resistance/ Communism/ is a religion of peace and this atrocity has absolutely nothing to do with Islam/Catholicism/Irish Republicanism/the Palestinian Resistance/Communism. Regardless of the neoliberal hate and shameless hit pieces being peddled in the right wing media, the deliberately fraudulent red tops, the Zionist Press and the Tory Party, Islamophobia/Catholicismophobia/Irish Republicanismophobia/Palestinian Resistanceophobia/Communismophobia has no place in our tolerant, diverse, inclusive, democratic, socialist society. All Muslims/Catholics/Irish Republicans/Palestinian Resistors/Communists, reject this violence, which has nothing to do with them and their teachings, and is not done in their name, but er… no idea… something to do with Israel maybe!

A rather more ‘animated’ and ‘unpredictable’ Ken Livingstone then ketamined out:

Not all Catholics! Remember the IRA are an oppressed minority, just like Hamas and the so-called Islamic State. Anyway, Ian Paisley was also an Irish Republican before he went mad and started killing millions of innocent Irish Catholics!

When asked if what he was saying was not, after all then, a particularly insidious and creepy form of historical revisionism, although perhaps not by his very own (admittedly rather low) standards, Ken retorted:

Well that sounds EXACTLY like what someone from the right wing Jaffa-cake Ulster loyalist media would say. Who sent you here? How much are you being paid to spout Catholicismophobic rubbish and all this pathetic apologism of yours for Protestant apartheid? From Dublin to Tyrone, Ireland will be… Er, pick up the dog and bone! If you want a resistance comrade, Ken’s yer man! Let’s go all social justice like the Taliban!

Labour are now reportedly overjoyed at the recent flamboyant antics of Jez ‘n’ Ken on the IRA, as well as the stunning nod to yet another radical social justice movement they can now hitch their bandwagon to…

[The current constitution] had been imposed by the West and must be replaced with a new governance based on “Islam, national interests, historical achievements and social justice,” Mr Stanekzai said.

Facing opprobrium from past victims of IRA terror, Corbyn has recently retreated to his gated quinoa ranch in Islington, muttering something about internalised Papophobia.

Author: Wallace Runnymede

I've been writing satire for many years, and I've been published on many sites! Follow me on Twitter, and have a look at my books on Amazon! I've also had some poetry published by Sad Press recently: look out for 'Centrifugue!' I am also a founding member of the #AutisticDarkWeb: check the hashtag out on Twitter! Money's tight, so please consider dropping me $1 a month on Patreon (see link below). All my Patreon subscribers get certain benefits, including exclusive content, way in advance of anyone else!

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