The UK media landscape will never be the same again, as a beloved figure threatens to treat global fake news MSM corporations very harshly…
As they pose a greater threat even than ISIS.
Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn, affectionately known as ‘Jihadi Jez’ to anonymous fellow party members, has always stood for moderation and balanced views in politics.
From the death of Bin Laden being a tragedy, to bewailing the lack of a fair trial for Jihadi John, our Jez is always somewhere around the right and wrong sides of history, depending on where you catch him at the time.
A recent video says that ‘Change is Coming,’ and there will be no more corrupt behaviour by global news corporations.
In the last few days The Sun, The Mail, The Telegraph and The Express have gone a little bit James Bond.
We’ve got news for the billionaire, tax exile press barons: Change is coming. pic.twitter.com/3ehSKfaAgZ
— Jeremy Corbyn (@jeremycorbyn) 20 February 2018
Corbyn has recently followed up with a disturbing rant outside the Islington Waitrose.
Rolling up in an ethically sourced non-exploitative carbon-neutral Mercedes, Corbyn gaily strode out, genially doffed his cap and began to shriek and howl:
There is a lot of talk about the so-called ‘Islamic State’ and their supposed propaganda.
But what about the BBC, the Daily Mail and Fox News?
To gleamy, bumptious mincings and munchings of ‘Yahhhhh!’ ‘Hooray!’ and ‘Totes Amaze!’ suburban England’s most favourite working class hero of all bellowed out in his customary rich, plummy tones:
The alleged jihadist threat is miniscule. I’ve never seen a single head being cut off around my very own gated community in Islington over here, and I very much doubt you have either?
The crowd roared ‘Nay!’ in unison!
Every single salf of the earth common sense working class person in this country, from zero income to, say, £250 000 a year (like my Friends in Hizbollah, say), well yes, I say, all these loyal Labour voters of ours, of mine, of the many and not the few…
We haven’t seen…
One…
Single…
Murder.
Where are all these terrorists?
Come out, come out, wherever you are!
The crowd simpered amid the very sickly-sweetest of metropolitan mirths.
Did you see anyone, ladies and gentlemen?
Apparently not.
The real threat is not North Korea, or the Islamic State, as I don’t like to call it…
Or the Islamic Republic, which I most certainly do!
The real threat is unaccountable global corporations, spreading fake news!
A heckler asked him what the solution to fake news is.
Corbyn paused, puffed, and then menacingly leered:
The only solution to fake news is to have the government decide what is true or what isn’t!
Otherwise, our current Orwellian situation will last for a thousand years.
Later, the heckler was found lying strangled in a gutter.
When asked about this, Corbyn shrugged dismissively, just as he did over the recent hate speech arrests of an ‘Islamophobic’ lesbian Muslim and of a Rotherham victim’s mother.
You can’t make a quinoa omelette without breaking a few ethically sourced organic free range…
All of a sudden, screams were heard in the distance.
Corbyn’s handlers subtly summoned him, and his £5 000 luxury patent leather shoes softly squeaked away, in the direction of the Hilton Hotel.
We hope to have more for you soon.
If I’m still around to tell the tale…
Image attribution:
By See Li from London, UK [CC BY 2.0], via Wikimedia Commons
