Kim Jong-Un Uses Passing Train to Face-Shave

North Korea leader Kim Jong-Un has released a propaganda film of himself using a passing high speed train to shave his face. In a government campaign that hopes to encourage Korean citizens to reduce their razor purchases, Jong-Un has advised all his country’s face shavers to donate their razor expenditure to the nuclear programme instead

Kim Jong-Un said “The cost of razors worldwide is extortionate and wasteful. I urge all North Korean shavers to use our high speed trains to shave their faces as a costless alternative. If I can secure a public contribution through a razor abstention it could help finance our ballistic missile programme, now a nuclear war with the United States is imminent. Train shaving is an unconventional procedure but nonetheless effective. The same shaving method can also be applied to haircuts. I myself have used this technique to produce my own flat top hairstyle by standing on the platform edge and using a train to shave my head.”

UK Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson has reacted to Kim Jong-Un’s new proposal. He said, “This is a worrying development. What would happen if a North Korean citizen attempts to shave their pubic hair and accidentally gets some of the unwanted bush caught between the train doors? It would be a more uncomfortable experience than travelling with British Rail.”

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Author: Stephen Philip Druce

Stephen Philip Druce is a spoof/satire article writer from Shrewsbury in the UK. He has previous publications with The Lemon Press, News Mutiny, The Daily Squib, The Inconsequential, Web-E-Books (USA), The Druids Loom and Bad Scents Of Humour. For updates on Stephen’s humour articles, follow him on Twitter - @DruceStephen.