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List of Reforms North Korea is Bringing to Bear

List of Reforms North Korea is Bringing to Bear

Since the death of Kim Jong-Il, North Korea has seen a litany of changes. The most visible of which is the introduction of chubby funster Kim Jong-Un as his successor, with a close second being the ouster of a top general. But there are many other changes coming to North Korea that may be less visible.

Kim Jong-Un is dedicated not not repeating the failures of his father, so he’s taken great strides to avoid them.

He won’t send infinite resource to the gulags. He’ll do it differently.

So with little-to-no ado, much like their economy, here is the list:

List of reforms coming to North Korea

* Dissenters can now vote democratically on how they’ll die.
* Institute a Rice Lottery – Pay money. Win rice. Maybe.
* Rename torture chambers and prisons after fun Disney Land rides.
* Cut military spending in half. Use that money to clone the military.
* Food to be redefined as patriotic song, and everyone is to be given their fill.
* Top export to be sterile fill dirt, making them the world leader.
* The internet to be rolled out nationwide, except that by internet they mean pro-Kim pamphlets.
* National flower to be declared “black lung”, with many patriots celebrated.
* Military Counsel power to be reduced to 98%.
* Gulag boot-camp tourism.
* Rockets to be repurposed for agricultural use.

Story had additional contributions by WP Scranton


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Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.


One Response to “List of Reforms North Korea is Bringing to Bear”

  1. Sandir says:

    I would have thought they’d have done more with the rape camps. Either getting rid of them or making more use of them, like Kim Jong-Ill did… didn’t he?


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