Murderous dictator Vladimir Putin and former president Donald Trump threw their hats into the ring at a press conference in Detroit, Michigan yesterday. The motor city was chosen as a symbol for the Russian-style economic desolation Mr. Putin hopes to bring to the USA.
When asked why he accepted a demotion to vice president, Mr. Trump replied that in fact vice president was actually higher and better than president at which point Mr. Putin glared at him, and Trump stopped talking, looked nervous, and took three steps back, behind Little Stalin.
Mr. Putin, who was wearing nine-inch platform shoes then tripped and fell on his face, bloodying his lip. He yelled at a bystander, then barked orders to his guards, who promptly dragged away the shrieking elderly man to be shot.
Several Senators and high ranking Congresspersons attended the announcement and applauded vigorous every time the tyrant finished a sentence.
Ted Cruz dropped a shrink-wrapped brick of thousand ruble notes, turned red, and stuffed it in his jacket. Lindsay Graham snickered at the sight, at which point Putin looked him in the eye, and the Senator from South Carolina turned white as a ghost.
The Speaker of the House was asked how he could possibly support a foreign national as President of the United States, and his reply was that the law is very murky on the subject. Mr. Putin said he would install a gang of inspectors to make sure the matter was ruled on without bias.
The 4-foot-11-inch madman promised that when elected he would arrest all the liberal media spreading fake news and lower gas prices to $1/gallon, which got a standing ovation from the spectators, who chanted “Heil, Putin! Heil Putin!” for a good five minutes, while Trump folded his arms like Mussolini and scanned the crowd for dissenting opinions. There were none.