Categorized | Politics, War Zone

Dick Cheney: We Have to Put Our Backs into Seducing Moderate Daesh (2/3)

Dick Cheney: We Have to Put Our Backs into Seducing Moderate Daesh (2/3)

The drip-drip-drip of resentful gushing (or at least, the salty current of ‘that’s a bit rich!’-nesses), crabbedly flowing forth from the highly creative and dynamic pen of Dick Cheney continues to swirl and course…

All around the giddy whirlpool of heedless debauchery that is the Washington Establishment and its subservient concubines and ass-lickers.

Moderate Daeshis will be satisfied with just 71 virgins, or even 70 (at a push and a hoo boy!) after blowing themselves up outside just about any crowded market, Asian Superbowl, Arab 7/11, Pizza Express, or even Epstein Express…

(The latter one of this tactical selection of strategic opportunities depends of course, on whether the rumors about the secret Clinton Foundation People’s Investment Penetration Venture are genuinely true, or merely cynically expedient noble lies for the greater good of our nation and our city.

(Ohh, shit! ‘True’ or ‘expedient?’ There has to be a difference, right? Well hey! Irving frickin’ Kristol, eat your heart out!)

In any case, anyone stupid enough to dine at Pizza Express, when you can always get your breakfast at Epstein Express instead, probably DESERVES to be deprived of the heavenly luxury of sampling an angelic virgin or two!!!

Anyways, enough dicking around about eating out and other jerk-off nonsense like that. Some of my colleagues are just well-nigh doubled over with jet lag, so please just go easy on them, and don’t just plunge in balls deep (like somehow, one way or another, I can’t help but picture you doing!). Don’t ask them any hard questions, just getting your shit hot-damn ass-backwards to buggery, as per usual!

I mean, let’s be up front about this one. The rigid inflexibility and aggressively motivated unpredictability of the grassroots needs to butt out, or else we may have to confine any recalcitrant clever dicks; and they won’t be coming out any time soon; not ’til we got us ourselves a proper devil’s crapload of snowy sprinkles in hell, alright?!

So… If you don’t follow this helpful advice, my friends will probably end up spewing out any old junk that tickles their fancy; and when they do that, it’s very difficult to repair the damage afterwards.

I mean, the last thing we want is to be prematurely stained and tainted, before we have a chance to stick our oars in and really start stirring the shit!

Yuck. Part Three of this sickening story is on Glossy News tomorrow! So, I guess the leak really does go on.

And so does the Dick


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Sub-editor of Glossy News. Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! You can buy my satire and poetry ebooks from many online stores, including Amazon. Make sure you like the Glossy News and Wallace Runnymede pages on Facebook!


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