Empty Chair Posts Strong Showing In Early Voting

GlossyNews.com – This election year has seen a surge in early voting as more and more states allow for this convenient option, while others have restricted the hell out of it.

Both the Obama and Romney camps had hoped that early voting would give them an edge. Much to everyone’s surprise, however, exit polls show that the early leader in pre-election balloting is the empty chair from the Republican National Convention.

RIGHT: This is a photo with the legend himself, appearing alongside character actor Clint Eastwood. CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE… BUT HONESTLY, WHY?

“No one saw this coming at all,” said Bob Bingham, head of the political science department at Iowa Agricultural & Technical College. “Campaign experts figured this option would favor President Obama but, boy, were we wrong!”

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Most observers accepted that the empty chair experienced a measurable bump in the polls after his joint appearance with Hollywood megastar Clint Eastwood, but few figured that bump could be sustained and result in millions of early write-in votes.

For example, early voters in Iowa have broken the record from 2008 as more than a half million ballots have already been cast, more than half of them naming the empty chair for president.

“When I considered the three options,” said Ames, Iowa resident Chip N. Dale. “The empty chair had it all over the other two guys.”

Other early voters echoed this same refrain, citing the empty chair’s strong, silent approach; his complete absence of guile and his consistent position of repose in wait.

Given this surprising development, media outlets from across the country have tried to get in touch with the empty chair. Although reported to be staying at the Furniture Barn in Tampa, Florida, Mr. Chair unfortunately did not respond to repeated requests for comment.