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Romney Schedules Debate to Convince Country He is Still Running

Romney Schedules Debate to Convince Country He is Still Running

WASHINGTON D.C.- Political insiders have confirmed that not only is republican candidate, Mitt Romney, debating president Obama on Wednesday, but he is still running for president.

Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan met a group of supporters for a fund raiser, announcing that they will still be in the running for the white house all the way up until November 6th.

“People can’t count us out until the election is over,” explains Matt Rhodes, campaign advisor to Mitt Romney.

“I know the country wouldn’t quite pick that up over the past couple of weeks, but we have been hard at work over in the Romney camp trying to adequately prepare a game plan to let America know that we are here until election day.”

David Axlerod, communications director to the Obama administration, responded to the announcement negatively. He explained, “It’s too little too late. Maybe if Mitt Romney wanted to continue his campaign to November, he should have tried a little harder in the beginning.”

Former republican presidential candidate Newt Gingrich explained on a political talk show, “This is political suicide.”

“You have to know when to cash out when your chips are up, and Romney is blowing through chips like no one’s business. He had to outspend Rick Santorum, which is no small feat, considering Santorum had the largest sweater vest budget in campaign history.”

Mitt Romney had to outspend his republican competitors in the primary, but his intellectual currency is running short against the incumbent President Barack Obama. Romney scheduled the debate to prove to the country that he does have what it takes to run a competent campaign.

“I know America thinks that the Romney-Ryan ticket is played out, but this debate will show that I have what it takes to lose to the president in the general election,” stated Romney in a press conference.

Paul Ryan also reassured voters that his Vice Presidential debate with Joe Biden would prove to America that Ryan would be ready to run in the 2020 presidential election.

Ryan told an energetic crowd of supporters that, “I know this sinking ship seems incapable of being salvaged, but I can let every one here today know that after we lose this election, I will be ready to run in the election after next!”

When asked about the Vice Presidential debate, Joe Biden simply asked, “You mean that Wisconsin kid? What happened to that wolf sniper with the cans and the glasses? Now that was a good debate. I was all like ‘gotcha,’ and she was all like ‘I can see my house from Alaska.’ I don’t know, Something like that.”

President Barack Obama didn’t seem to be too troubled when asked about the debate. When asked, he responded “Is that Romney-Ryan thing still happening. Wow, OK. They’re still going to try this thing. You just can’t keep up with celebrity gossip when you’re busy running the free world.”

No content has been leaked of the debate questions, but they will primarily be focused on jobs. Like Mitt Romney trying to get one and President Obama Trying to keep his.

Candy Crowley will host the event, and has already warned that she will need the full cooperation of each nominee and will not tolerate any mud slinging. She also belayed fears by stating she had “Ron Paul-Proofed” the venue in Denver reminding every one “you can never be too careful. He is crafty and always finds a way to stick around until November in a presidential election.”

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I'm a stand-up comedian, author of "The Alphabet of Everything I Hate," an artist of sorts, and a rouge writer who's got a weird thing for oxford commas... like, really weird. Like three x's weird. Follow me @velezerraptor on twitter

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2 Responses to “Romney Schedules Debate to Convince Country He is Still Running”

  1. Brian K. White says:

    I’m still not convinced he’s actually running. He keeps spending time in states he can’t win, like California and Pennsylvania, and not so much at rallies as he is at fundraisers.

    I’m convinced he’s still stuffing his war chest, but I’m not convinced he’s still running. I think he’s trying to recoup the $40million he “loaned” to the campaign in 2008.

    Izzat legal? Anybody?

  2. Neutral says:

    After the trouncing he gave obama and facts on Wednesday I think this article missed the mark. He is very much still in this thing.

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