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Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color

Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color

Pumpkin Place, Ohio (GlossyNews) —The poop on politics from Norbert B. Snortwhistle.

The iconic Crayola crayon company announced it will introduce a new crayon color, “John Boehner Orange,” based on what it calls the “distinctive, even unique, hues and shades” of the House Speaker’s perpetual tan.

Sources say the new Boehner-inspired color is a carefully crafted mixture of Crayola’s classic Burnt Orange and its newer Neon Carrot and Mango Tango hues.

“This new crayon will be ideal for coloring certain exotic bird feathers as well as some of Nancy Pelosi’s pant suits,” said a Crayloa spokesperson.

On hearing the news, Boehner wept uncontrollably. “My whole life …” he sobbed. “And now … The American Dream … orange … crayons.”

The White House downplayed the impact of the new Boehner crayon, while Washington insiders called it a “crushing blow” to Democratic House leader Pelosi, who for years has lobbied Crayola to market a full box of crayons based on the colors in her pant suit wardrobe.

“Like many Americans, the President enjoys drawing with crayons from time to time,” said Press Secretary Jay Carney. “The President is more than willing to reach across the aisle for ‘John Boehner Orange,’ when appropriate.”

“Don’t count on seeing the Minority Leader wear any of her orange pant suits anytime soon,” huffed a senior Pelosi aide. “But she will continue to fight for what she believes in, including a full box collection of Nancy Pelosi Pant Suit Crayons.”

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This post was written by

- who has written 21 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Norbert Bibbington Snortwhistle is not the author’s real name. A freelance writer living in a California beach town, Mr. Snortwhistle writes about business, politics and other strange affairs. You can read his articles on investing and the economy, posted under the name ‘Low Sweat Investing,’ here.

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5 Responses to “Crayola Announces New “John Boehner Orange” Crayon Color”

  1. smclady1947 says:

    HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! This joker cracks me up!!

  2. P. Beckert says:

    I’m with you on this one. There had to be a crayon color based on his tan eventually. Thanks for thinking outside the box (of 64 colors).

  3. norbert b. snortwhistle says:

    Thanks for your comments and kind words. One true joy of springtime is watching Boehner’s tan reach full blossom.

    I also noticed that in the last paragraph I’ve somehow gotten The Hon. Ms. Pelosi out of her pant suit and into something called a “paint suit.”

    If a Glossy editor happens across my comment here, perhaps they can send someone to the rescue and get Ms. P back into her pant suit?

  4. P. Beckert says:

    done…although paint could have been plausible…as in “her pant suit was so tight, it appeared to be painted on…”

  5. norbert b. snortwhistle says:

    Thanks so much for the assist. Perhaps it did only appear to be painted on. I hope Ms. Pelosi is more comfortable in the looser fit. I’m sure the people around here are.

    Thanks again for your help.

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