More from Anthony Rhody’s book serial: “Does This Stress Make Me Look Fat?”
It’s a fact.
My most recent dog loved cantaloupe and honeydew.
He was a “melancholy.”
I wonder what percentage of German shepherds are antisemitic.
I wonder if, in China, they eat chocolate labs as (a) dessert.
They probably taste like chocolate mousse.
I had a cat once.
I called him ATM because he would fuck anything that moved.
He was bi-curious. Which killed him.
I also had a canary once but it died in a coal mine.
It was the first to go.
That was my last pet.
No more pets for me, I tell you.
I don’t even have pet peeves anymore.
I had a few but had to have them put to sleep.
They kept peeing all over the carpet.
Word to the wise:
While they sound adorable, Cuttlefish do not actually make very good pets.
And pool sharks used to keep me from going swimming but I now believe they are extremely rare.
And pool sharks used to keep me from going swimming but I now believe they are extremely rare.
Sharks seem really insensitive to me as a whole.
Is it true that after a hammerhead shark kills someone he yells to his buddy, “Nailed it!”?
They say elephants never forget but I don’t recall no elephant ever giving me a birthday card or wishing me a Happy Birthday.
And don’t get me started on reptiles: I have never liked them; especially lizards.
I’ve had a problem with them from the gecko.
I have never had much appetite for killing animals. I will kill an insect when I have to – like a spider invading my space, my bedroom. But then I feel bad.
That’s because I know one of their next-of-kin is going to show up looking for them.
I seriously believe this.
As for the bees they may or may not survive but one thing’s for sure: we will always have wasps.
Just look at the Republican party.
For some reason I like woodland animals.
Except beavers.
I’m allergic to them.
Meanwhile we all have our bears to cross.
This has been Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom!
See you next week!