New Book Serial from Anthony Rhody: “Does this Stress Make Me Look Fat?”

NOTE FROM WALLACE:

There now begins our new book serial from Anthony Rhody:

“Does This Stress Make Me Look Fat?”

Make sure you give him a great boost! 🙂

Preamble.
Blunt Force Drama

YESTERDAY.
Dear Doctor: I hope this here letter finds you well.

I was going to start with an off-color joke – the one about how if the Roman
soldiers had brought a nail-gun to the crucifixion only to the realize the thing was out of nails, it would’ve changed the course of history – but then decided that would seem like I was beating around the bush.

So here’s the deal: I need a doctor – a really good doctor who can help me figure out what is wrong with me psychologically.

As best as I can explain it is either that I have a hard time being around people because I have such a low opinion of them or I have a low opinion of them because I have a hard time being around them; and it’s only getting worse!

Cardiology surgery
Image by Виктория Кабанова from Pixabay

I don’t want to wait until I have started questioning my sanity.

Albert Einstein said that “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and each time expecting a different outcome.”

Albert said that a lot, thinking someone would finally listen to him.

But no one did.

Please consider taking me on as one of your patients.

I have jotted down all of the things I can think of that may be applicable in giving you a better idea of how I went from peculiar in my youth, to interesting as a young man coming of age, to damaged goods now that I approach middle age.

I don’t want to just give up for the duration of my life like most people seem to.

Bitter.

Disappointed.

Haggard.

Cynical.

With bad skin.

Oh, wait.

The ship has already sailed on the cynical part.

The ship has sailed and it doesn’t have as many life-boats as it should.

So here are some notes are a couple of pages is a thorough account of
what has happened in my life thus far.

And this is not a manifesto, doctor, so please don’t call the authorities or I will cut you.

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Author: Anthony Rhody

My name is Anthony Rhody. I was born in a small midwestern town when I was very young. I am a recovering Catholic and lapsed homosexual. Henceforth I spend a lot less time on my knees. I was a film major at Columbia in Chicago after my career in high school ended in scandal and must-deserved notoriety, plus a diploma. After two years of life in a seventeen-story dorm I was told I should go to the west coast (true story). Since then I have been a screenwriter primarily and a playwright on rare occasion. When I realized a couple years ago I had too many notes on humor and funny schtick to ever use in screenplays I decided to try to see how many of them I could throw together as a book of humor. "Does This Stress Make Me Look Fat?" is that book, not a medical journal on over-eating. I don't have any children and as far as I know, no sexual partners. I have lived in San Francisco since before there was a homeless problem - sorry, before so many folks were home free.