Brotherhood of Extemporaneous Unions Wins Big

The U.S. Supreme Court handed the Brotherhood of Extemporaneous Unions a clear victory yesterday by defining a labor union as “one or more people doing more or less the same thing.” The landmark case of BEU vs. Clive Nuevo, gave the BEU the right to organize unions wherever they felt one was needed.

Mr. Nuevo claimed he was organized and unionized against his will by the Brotherhood of Extemporaneous Unions whom he said snuck up behind him while he was fishing by himself on the bank of a small lake in southern New Mexico. When he refused to pay dues to the newly created Catfisherman’s Local 102, Clive was sued by the BEU for breach of implied contract.

The defense team presented the common sense argument that it was impossible for a new union to be formed without an existing company. They accused the BEU of extorting money from people by randomly declaring them to be members of a union they just made up and then demanding the new union member start paying dues.

The attorneys for the Brotherhood of Extemporaneous Unions argued that labor, in any form, is vulnerable to exploitation and needs the protection of an organized union.

The court sided with the BEU and Clive was ordered to start paying dues and held him responsible for all past dues now in arrears. The historic decision also ruled that a company is naturally created when a new union comes into existence, otherwise the union, now considered the key entity, could not exist.

And therefore Mr. Nuevo was not only a union member now protected under the bylaws of the BEU, but also the default owner of said company. And as such was found to be in violation of the 1935 National Labor Relations Act that specifically prohibits management personnel from doing jobs protected by the union. The Catfisherman’s Local 102 filed an immediate union grievance against Mr. Nuevo on behave of Mr. Nuevo.

The verdict was a disappointment to many people who also felt they had been unionized unfairly. After hearing the court’s ruling a member of Line Standers Local 113, Coffee Drinkers Local 92 and Public Restroom Urinators Local 75 said, “Those damn union guys followed me all around the mall. Mr. Nuevo ought to consider himself lucky to only be in one union. I don’t know how I am going to afford all these dues.”

Author: Tom Skulldaney