Categorized | Politics, Top Stories, War Zone

Obama So Good at Failing Wars, Wins Nobel Peace Prize

Obama So Good at Failing Wars, Wins Nobel Peace Prize

President Barack Obama looks to be in a bit of a pickle – regardless of being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for being top dog of the world’s most belligerent nation – next to Israel.

If he doesn’t sanction the dispatch of the extra 40,000 troops his military commander in Afghanistan – General Billy Bob McTwattie – has requested to replace the ones the Taliban keep snuffing then the GOP Republican hawks are ready to paint him as a spineless dove who’s not up to the job of managing the US’s foreign Neo-Colonial wars and progressing the Project for the New American Century’s ambitions to control the entire Middle East.

Conversely Democrats are urging O’Barmy to learn the lessons of Lyndon B. Johnson, whose belief in the philosophy of the Domino Theory and constant escalation of the war in Vietnam ended up draining energy and resources from his homefront “Uncle Cornpone’s Great Society” programme and killed his presidency deader than a big brown dog with galloping rabies.

On Johnson’s watch, by 1968, over 550,000 American soldiers were inside Vietnam and being killed at the rate of over 1,000 a month – a record the Taliban and al Qaeda are hoping to beat in the coming months.

While the Democrats juggle historical facts and focus their rhetorical arguments on the bungling errors of Vietnam, GOP critics insist that the troop surge in Iraq more than proved and justified their argument – albeit to the point of a resulting civil war and Balkanisation of the country.

While Dubya Bush declared the Afghan war was over five minutes after the US and Co. invaded in October 2001 and unleashed yet another dose of US ‘Shock n Awe’ with Operation Enduring Freedom’ (Que?) – then further pronounced old Al Qaeda and Taliban Dan and their boys were a done and dusted snuff job – the aforesaid war actually reached its eighth anniversary last Wednesday – an occasion celebrated by the US military-industrial cartel with a small cake, eight candles and champagne.

Meanwhile President Barky O’Barmy consulted his White House ouija board to scry for a rehashed strategy to either win the conflict or pull another Nixon style Peace with Honour “let’s get-the-fuck-outa-there-while-we-can” hightailing stunt and leave US puppet President Hamid Kami-Karzai and his ‘Fill Yer Pockets’ party up to their gonads in deep shit.

One White House snitch, speaking to the Warmongers Gazette on conditions of complete anonymity (Hymie Slimeberg) also revealed that O’Barmy has been sitting on the troop increase request prepared by the top U.S. commander in Afghanistan, General Billy Bob McTwattie, for well over a week already.

The top secret / eyes only list published in yesterday’s Genocide Weekly Review includes a range of drastic options, from adding as few as 10,000 green draftees and National Guard couch spuds as cannon fodder – to McTwattie’s personal preference – a further 40,000 battle-hardened troops hired from Slackwater / Xe and the deployment of nuclear weapons to root out the cave-dwelling Taliban.

General McTwattie and his Republican hawk backers are pushing for approval to really kick some stubborn Afghan ass and want O’Barmy to sanction a programme of ‘Seek and Destroy’ missions that will licence US troops to kill every poor sod old enough to bleed.

With this and Americans’ dwindling patience in mind, Obama is engaged in a Catch 22 see-saw political dilemma of whether to keep throwing live troops into the conflict for the Taliban to snuff or go for the Democrat option of withdrawing the entire military contingent and let the Afghans sort their own mess out.

At the end of the day it boils down to the fact that can O’Barmy and his administration stand the Dover Test if they decide to deploy a further 40,000 troops – especially so if they have to supply a further 40,000 body bags?

Regardless. if the US and their Zionist ‘Coalition of the Willing’ / NATO force do pull out then Hamid Kami-Karzai’s days in power could be counted on one hand and the Taliban will move in a tumultuous reinforced surge to reclaim their country – with every warlord and his dog fighting over which bit of the historical Graveyard of Empires is theirs.

There is one minor point that President Hamid Kami-Karzai should perhaps ponder upon while O’Barmy’s occupied polishing his new Nobel gong and consulting the mystic oracles, scrying for solutions.

Following the Soviet withdrawal from Afghanistan their puppet President Mohammad Najibullah shit kittens as his corrupt administration went from bad to worse and was eventually forced to seek shelter at the UN compound in Kabul, remaining there until he was dragged out by the scruff of his neck, tortured, castrated, then killed in September 1996 – by the Taliban who overran the capital with relative ease.


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Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via


2 Responses to “Obama So Good at Failing Wars, Wins Nobel Peace Prize”

  1. Arleeeen says:

    What gives??? I haven’t waged war int he last nine months, where the hell is my million dollar prize.

    Guess it only makes sense Nobel invented dynamite, so whatever.

  2. Bob says:

    This isn’t cool. He was nominated after only 11 days in office. this is sheer international propaganda. you know it’s illegal for international operators to influence elections over here. So much for soft money.


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