Tag Archive | "sarah palin"

This Friday the 13th Predicted to be Astronomical Doozy

VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister event will be happening in the skies that night—a triple conjunction with the moon lining up with Venus, Mars and Saturn all in close proximity that night. Also known as the “smiley face” effect, the occurrence is rare but has always been associated with significant happenings in history. Read the full story


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Sarah Palin Attempts to Crash Clinton Wedding

WASILLY, Alaska (Glossy News) — In a scene right out of The Real Housewives of New York, Sarah Palin had her bus driver drive her bus (he drove, she and Todd flew via private jet) all the way across country and into the tiny town of Rhinebeck, NY to find out why they weren’t on the guest list of the biggest American wedding this side of the 60’s. Read the full story


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Palin Stealth-Launches 2018 Campaign w/ Tween Biography

It seems Sarah Palin is looking to expand her approval among likely voters by looking in an unlikely place; the not-too-distant future. If she can dominate the emerging evangelist demographic, it may be enough to just push the vote, and indeed the country, over the cliff. Read the full story


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Palin Stops Short of Referring to Self as Martyr (Barely)

TURLOCK, Calif. (GlossyNews) — In yet another controversial appearance of Sarah Palin, this time at the California State University, Stanislaus campus, Sarah complained of how her message is being met with the same controversy over and over–that she is undeserving of the large sums of money she commands for her appearance fees. Read the full story


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The Helen Thomas ‘Chair of Journalism’ Award

WASHINGTON DC (GlossyNews) — Who’ll be chosen to fill Helen Thomas’s front row seat in the White House briefing room? With serious, big-time lobbying in full-out high dudgeon between Fox and Bloomberg, something has to give soon.

It seems to be slowly pointing to the man with the most — whoa here now — this just in … it looks like it is going to be announced in a minute or two that Fox will win out after all.

Public word from this just-released WHCA press release that Team Murdoch/Ailes have won, with their [secret] submission of the name that will fill that front row seat. Read the full story


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Sarah Palin Blames Drill Baby Drill Comments on Evil Twin

Wasilly, AK (GlossyNews) -– Finally, what the American people have been waiting for from Sarah Palin, the truth. No longer do we have to guess why she would backtrack on her famous “Drill, Baby, Drill” comment when, in fact, it wasn’t she who said it.

“I have an evil twin, Sally, who is responsible for most of the awful things that come out of my mouth,” said Sarah in a recent tweet. “I’ve known about Sally for quite some time, but thought that if I told anyone about it, they’d think I was crazy, so I’ve just kept mum about it and took the heat. Read the full story


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Palin Just a Typical Red Blooded (Necked?) Girl

Late one night last week, while she was in her compartment on the Lear60 from Fox leaving New York, Sarah and Todd were working on her autobiography. As they began to brainstorm, with the help of a ‘relaxation substance’ Sarah began to capture some of the things that make her unique.

Here is her list. One is advised to compare these items closely to any girl a feller might want to get ‘serious’ with.

How did I get this paper? Truth to power, I clean the Lear60 when it gets back to Wasilla and I found it in the trash. Read the full story


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Obama Appoints TV Show ‘Doctor’ as Vice President

Washington, DC (GlossyNews) — In a bold bid to rally voter support for healthcare reform and boost Democrats’ election prospects, President Obama announced today the resignation of Vice President Joe Biden and appointment of television actor Patrick Dempsey to replace him.

Dempsey, best known for his portrayal of Dr. Derek Shepherd on the popular television series Grey’s Anatomy, has no previous political experience but is seen as a canny choice by Washington insiders. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (1)

Sarah Palin Caught in Cat Fight Over California Senate Seat

Hall of Facebook – Palin’s Facebook page took over 2000 angry hits after a post she wrote stated that she strongly endorsed Carly Fiorina to challenge Barbara Boxer for her Senate seat in November.

The Facebook entry started out “Carly, Carly, she’s our (Wo)man, if she can’t do it, no one can,” and then went on to describe how Fiorina is uncannily almost exactly like Palin, except for the fact that she has an MBA from the Robert H. Smith School of Business, as well as a Master of Science degree from MIT. Palin, however, was quick to point out that just like herself, Fiorina did drop out of one university, the UCLA School of Law. Read the full story


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Palin Truths Rile Up Political Base Again

Recently, on the Bill O’Reilly Show, Sarah Palin made this statement “American Law Should Be Based on the God of the Bible and the Ten Commandments.” It is not enough that the founding fathers saw fit to make God a part of their decision-making process when crafting this country’s laws, Palin believes that the laws of this country should be based in the belief system of one faith only, the Judeo-Christian faith. Read the full story


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Palin Reports Russian Peeping Toms

Wasilla, Ak (GlossyNews) — Sarah Palin, potential candidate for the Presidency in 2012, has put in a complaint with the Alaskan State Troopers complaining of Russians peeping in her windows at night. As she once claimed that she “could see Russia from her window”; apparently they can see her as well. Perhaps more of her than she would care for.

“Ah, this here’s ‘Peeping Ivan’s’ lookin’ in mah windows at night!” Read the full story


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Palin Hopes to Woo Brown with Speech to Naturist-Christians Group

San Bernardino, CA – When Sarah Palin was approached back in September of last year to speak at a gathering of Christian nudists who were interested in opening a nudist chapter of the Tea Party Movement, she respectfully declined, not wanting to upset her more fundamental followers and fearing a leftist media circus if she even considered it.

However, she was asked again to speak earlier this week and did an abrupt about face. Many are speculating on what exactly happened to change Sarah’s mind. Read the full story


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Secret Murdoch Tapes Threaten to Expose Palin and Beck as Puppets

At Sea, South Pacific (GlossyNews) — Rumors are swirling in back alleys and executive washrooms about the handful of tapes that, if made public, could blow the lid off Rupert Murdoch’s hold on American politics, bringing Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, and others down with him in the fallout. Read the full story


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Michael Moore Added to Supreme Court List to Spite Conservatives

Chicago, IL (GlossyNews) Both critics and supporters of President Obama are expressing equal measures of dismay by a recent announcement that liberal filmmaker Michael Moore is on the short list to replace Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens.

Justice Stevens , a 90 year old man everyone thought would cling to his seat until grim death, is finally vacating his his position, paving the way for Obama to nominate his second Supreme Court Justice after Sonia Sotomayor. Read the full story


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Sarah Palin has Epiphany:

“I just realized that I am never going to win a major election, so instead, I want to go to Haiti and help the poor folks who so desperately need it.”


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Glenn Beck to Develop Children’s Show on Fox

NEW YORK, NY (GlossyNews) — In an effort to reel in kiddies as early as they are able to watch television, the Fox Channel has begun the process of developing a Saturday morning kids’ show featuring Glenn Beck, invoking a stylistic reincarnation of Dick Dastardly, complete with pencil-thin handlebar mustache. While not yet written in stone, producers have tentatively named the show “The Tommy Truth-tacular Hour.” Read the full story


Posted in Kidz Zone, TelevisionComments (4)

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