Tag Archive | "Ron Paul"

Libertarians Claim James Gandolfini Killed By CIA


In the wake of The Sopranos star James Gandolfini’s sudden death,libertarians everywhere are saying the actor was assassinated by the Central Intelligence Agency.

Just after getting word of the Gandolfini’s tragic passing, the website ronpaulrulz posted the following conspiratorial explanation:

Libertarians and freedom-loving people everywhere refuse to accept the mainstream corporate media’s account of Jimbo Gandolfini’s death.

Our eyes have been opened, and we are putting down the Kool-Aid in exchange for some Natty Light, with Liberty Constitution at our side. Gandolfini was in fact killed because his role as organized crime boss Tony Soprano spat directly in the face of big government and authoritarian politics.

By running his business like John Galt would if we had an absence of government, with every man for himself, Soprano symbolized everything hated by the establishment. In killing off Jimbo, the CIA was finally able to exact revenge for his noxious quibbling against their tyranny.

Martine Nicole of Paris expressed similar suspicions, saying “The evidence is startling. This unfunny and not satirical practice of the people believing mainstream journalism is positively unnerving. If we only listened to true free market sources like Russia Today, then the misconception would be completely cleared up.”

Another libertarian from New Hampshire said: “If Ron Paul was president, and Gary Johnson was VP, we would have a full explanation for why Gandolfini died. Better yet, BDSM would be legalized between men and boys, because as we all know, government is tyranny.”

Although reports are still coming in, some sources say the libertarian skeptics are planning a mass protest in Washington, D.C. which will include the consumption of great amounts of laxatives.

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Posted in Crime, TelevisionComments (1)

Report: Libertarianism Classified As Mental Disorder


In a development that is stirring nationwide anger, the American Psychological Association has released a report classifying Libertarianism as a mental disorder.

Head researcher Paul Keynes discussed the organization’s findings, which were gleaned from a 10-year study that interviewed and tested over one hundred thousand self-described libertarians. He said: Read the full story

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Study: Libertarians Enjoy BDSM More Than Fascists


Results of a new study completed by Grove City College suggest self-identifying libertarians like Bondage, Dominance, Submission, Sadism and Masochism (BDSM) relationships more than their opposites on the political spectrum: the fascists.

Out of the 10000 people polled (split 50-50 between both ideologies), the libertarian column came up with an 89 percent appreciation rate for such relationships, whilst the fascists registered at only 48 percent. Read the full story

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GA Exit Polls Show Honey Boo Boo Leading Twinkies


GlossyNews.com – GEORGIA – Exit polls conducted throughout the state of Georgia are showing reality TV starlet and shaved Gremlin Honey Boo Boo holding a slight lead over the well known snack Twinkies in the race for the White House.

Asked how something like this could happen, state election officials said that Georgia voters simply ignored all of the options on the ballot and wrote in either Honey Boo Boo, Twinkies, or Gary Johnson. Read the full story

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Ron Paul Still Campaigning Out In Nebraska Somewhere


GlossyNews.com – NEBRASKA, SOMEWHERE – With just hours to go until the polls close Tuesday, committed Republican Presidential candidate Ron Paul was reportedly still out on the campaign trail somewhere in Nebraska this morning.

Though the GOP officially nominated Mitt Romney at the Republican National Convention over two months ago, Mr. Paul has nonetheless campaigned up and down some of his favorite down-homey tour stops, also giving stump speeches in Montana, Arkansas and Oklahoma. Read the full story

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Third Party Candidates Experience the Shaft


Forget the 2012 election. The path to it is already littered with debris.

The problem with our two party system is that it concentrates political power into two narrow, easily manipulated, easily controlled channels. And it pushes very worthy challengers from less powerful parties out of the picture.

This has dramatically happened now in two of our most recent elections. Twice in past few years we have had first rate candidates who had sterling records and excellent qualities pushed aside and ignored in the primaries. Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (3)

Ron Paul ‘Will Fight Presidential Campaign Into 2013’ Just to See What Happens


WASHINGTON D.C. – Even though rival Republican presidential campaigner Mitt Romney has already attained the 1,144 delegates needed to seal the party’s nomination, Ron Paul says he will continue campaigning, vowing to fight on into 2013, just to see what happens.

Unwilling to concede defeat in the face of mathematically impossible odds, Congressman Paul told potential delegates that he is still counting on their support “just in case something transpires.” Read the full story

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Snakes in the Grass… for Obama


MIAMI-A Burmese python found dead in the Florida Everglades has snake and political experts rattled.

A definitive square shape outlining the snake’s midsection led to an examination of stomach contents. Along with the remains of a raccoon, the python had ingested a Mitt Romney political sign, complete with wooden stake.

“Typically, pythons spend most of their time hidden in the underbrush,” reported park officials. “To find the animal along the highway is highly unusual.” Read the full story

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Posted in Human Interest, PoliticsComments (4)

Freaking Journalist Agitates Candidates, Deemed “Terrorist”


Police are on the look out for a rouge freelance journalist suspected of reckless disregard of media protocol and assault with a rhetorical question. The unknown journalist first struck at a Romney campaign stop in New Hampshire and asked about rumors of undisclosed offshore wealth. Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, PoliticsComments (2)

VP 2012: Mitt’s Pick gets Nitpicked


ON THE GOPTEA™ TRAIL —GlossyNews Inevitable, unstoppable, charismatic Juggernaut Willard ‘Mitt’ Romney faced heated questioning this week on the issue of VP selection. The name Rand Paul has been surfacing with increased frequency among Romney confidantes, leading some election watchers to speculate whether unholy bargains have been made down at the Crossroads. Read the full story

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A Candid Peek Into Sex Lives of the Candidates


The current contenders for the 2012 U.S. presidential election have already stated their positions on a range of key issues such as the economy, taxes, education, immigration, social policy, and national security.

But one obvious question still remains. What are they like in bed?

GlossyNews recently lay down with each of the candidates for some unbridled, no-holds-barred sexual intercourse. Here’s what they had to say. Read the full story

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Bachmann Claims Decisive 0.93% Victory in Straw Poll


AMES, IA —GlossyNews At $30 each, 16,892 Iowans were trucked to Ames for a day of politickin’ (locally it’s called ‘pot lickin’) and BBQ. A grand $506,760 was the total straw vote cash take for the GOPTea in Ames, Iowa on Saturday with their straw poll. The candidates also ponied up $15K each to pitch a tent on the grounds of the poll, pumping another $120K into the coffers. This was confirmed by Matt Strawn, chairman of the Iowa Republican Party and improbably claimed namesake of the poll. Read the full story

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GOP Debate: You Went Black, Now Go Back (7 of 7)


DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy Recently, seven of the leading extremists of the Tea Party Republicans debated in New Hampshire.

This recap is intended for those who tried to stay awake for the whole time, but couldn’t. It’s also OK for anyone who didn’t watch at all to go through this and get a fix on what went down. Read the full story

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Ron Paul in Fight for GOP Nutjob Vote


Repeat offender presidential candidate Ron Paul now faces an unexpected threat, according to sources close to the campaign. There may be somebody in the race who is crazier than him.

On electoral issues, veterans say ‘a year is a decade.’ That proverb is especially validated in 2011, a landscape vastly different from the previous presidential contest. Read the full story

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It’s Debatable: Can the GOPTea Pull 2012 Out of Their…es (1 of 7)


DE BATE, NEW HAMPSHIRE —BobZaguy By now you know that 7 GOPTea members debated in New Hampshire. While the debate was held in that state, there was no intent by any participant to play to that state — rather the play was pushed to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC.

This is the first in our 7-part series on this topic. Each day for the next week we’ll cover one of the between six and eight debaters that appeared. Read the full story

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