Tag Archive | "peta"

Adam Lambert Likes the Feel of Dead Animal Around His Neck


Adam Lambert, runner-up on Season 8 of American Idol fame, was spotted throughout the streets of New York the past few days sporting a very warm and cozy looking coat with what appeared to be one or possibly more large dead raccoons attached at the neck.

Upon closer inspection (after having chased down Lambert for several blocks on a somewhat icy NY sidewalk) a cameraman confirmed that, indeed, it was raccoon, but could not determine how many or the location where the animal(s) were harvested for this particular coat. Read the full story

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Humans Have Rights. Why Not Pets? (comic)


Just looking back in American history, there was a time (quite recently!) when women were denied the vote. There were also times with poll taxes and other efforts to disqualify votes, but only as recent as 2012.

Not to diminish those situations (nope, I welcome the discussion in the comments, because I’m with you,) but why not let pets have some right too? PETA would like to empower and respect the animals. They’re not wrong, frankly. Read the full story

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Chris Christie Kills Spider, Triggers Collapse of Western Civilization


New Jersey Governor Chris Christie unintentionally set forth a sequence of events that will ultimately lead to the fall of the United States government and all of Western civilization when he smashed a tiny spider last week.

The spider, which was crawling on the governor’s desk as he spoke to a group of schoolchildren, should have gone unnoticed by his daughter, Bridget Christie. She instead observed her father’s brave demonstration, which sparked the fourth-grader’s interest in pest and insect control. Read the full story

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PETA Upset Over Mindy McCready Shooting Dog


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Iranian Space Monkey Main Course At Celebration Banquet


Cultural differences took front row this week when the monkey that made Iranian history by being the first living creature that they had successfully propelled into space and back was eaten at the post flight victory celebration.

After a lengthy and confusing speech by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a medal of honor was placed around the monkeys neck and he was quickly submerged into a boiling pot of oil. Read the full story

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PETA Slams Huge Rise in “Goldfish Mills”


Natalie Klad, PETA Spokesman of the Greater Cincinnati area, says irresponsible and/or incompetent goldfish owners are contributing to the rise of unwanted goldfish overcrowding animal shelters across the country.

“I believe we all know what happens when you allow unprotected goldfish to have unregulated sex like a drunken Kardashian- lots of little baby goldfish.

And these unwanted goldfish are almost bound to end up being dumped at the local animal shelter or flushed like a deuce, another runner in the night.” Read the full story

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PETA Launches Jackass Campaign


People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) announced this week an ambitious new initiative aimed at changing the way people perceive mules. The program was announced by PETA spokesperson Barb Arians in an emotional, sometimes acrimonious press conference. “This represents a confident new direction for PETA. We’ve long focused on getting everybody to go vegetarian. That hasn’t worked out too well yet.” Read the full story

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Barack Obama Admits Hunting Bigfoot, “Grazing” Him


CHICAGO, Ill. (Glossy News) — Career urbanite and now President, Barack Obama, spoke before a group of hunters and outdoors-men in Boise, Idaho, in an attempt to solidify support from the over 225 million Americans who own firearms and of those who hunt.

Obama chose Boise because, in the words of his aide, “Mr. Obama wanted to return to the area where he hunted and killed Bigfoot on his last big game hunting expedition.” Read the full story

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Islamic Extremists Issue Fatwa Against American Poodle


SAN FRANCISCO, CA (GlossyNews) — Incensed Islamic extremists issued a fatwa early this evening against an American Muslim poodle named Crystal accused of breeding with an infidel St. Bernard named Herb. “Crystal has been seeing Herb at a local dog park on and off for several months,” said the courtesan canine’s owner, who strenuously requested anonymity. “One afternoon I lost sight of her… one thing led to another and, well, you know…” Read the full story

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Posted in Religionism, War ZoneComments (0)

PETA Wants Tilikum the Killer Whale Tried As a Dolphin


NORFOLK, Vir. – PETA has served notice to SeaWorld attorneys that it plans to file an amicus Delphinidae brief in a Florida district court on behalf of Tilikum, the so-called “killer whale,” who is suspected of drowning one of his trainers while attempting to turn her into sashimi.

“Though killer whales, also known as orcas, are considered whales by most people, they are actually members of the Delphinidae (dolphin) family,” said PETA co-founder and president, Ingrid Newkirk. “Therefore, Tilikum deserves to be tried as a dolphin.” Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (3)

Activists Missing After Declaring “War on Leather” at Motorcycle Rally


Johnstown, PA (GlossyNews)Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials. Read the full story

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White House Claims Bush Torched California for Sport


New York – In the current edition of The Nation magazine, White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel charges that President Bush is personally responsible for burning California’s economy. Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, Environment, PoliticsComments (0)

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