Tag Archive | "Music"

GOP God Caucus ‘Patti Smith Cover’ Proves Riot Grrrl Credentials


The GOP’s God Caucus, not to be confused with the voluminous and highly visible, achingly secular GOP majority (about 99% or so!), are keen to prove their feminist credentials once more.

Still, up to now, all their other highly conspicuous social reachouts (let alone their highly non-conspicuous socialist reacharounds!) have been abject failures, so hey…

What’s the worst that can happen?

But unfortunately, Mike Huckabee isn’t participating in the GOP cover version of Patti Smith’s Gloria.

Still, to give all due credit (such as such credit may be), he does think the lyrics are a little provocative and inflammatory, and he doesn’t believe in unnecessarily stirring the s*** in order to cause needless offense.

… As (not-so-non!-)recent events have undoubtedly proven once more!

 G-O-P-I-A: JESUS JUDGES ALL YOUR SINS BUT NOT MINE      

Jesus judges all your sins but not mine

Socialists are all thieves

Shameless widow tuggin’ at our godly ol’ sleeves

Rebuking with a face like stone

Your selves are my own

You belong to me…

ME!

Read the full story

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Posted in Music, PoliticsComments (0)

Pink Floyd to Release Children’s Bedtime Book: Dark Side of the Mattress


London – After decades of churning out original, trippy, bizarre and beautiful music and selling kazillions of albums, Pink Floyd have announced they intend to release a children’s book this summer. Titled, “Dark Side of the Mattress”, the book promises to break new ground in the young children’s genre.

The group felt they needed to shake things up and take a break from the studio. David Gilmour, guitarist and co-lead vocalist of the popular band said, “It’s a chapter book and has several chapter names that parents who were fans of our music will probably recognize.” Read the full story

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, EntertainmentComments (2)

Miley Cyrus Complains About Dwindling Number of Ways to Shock Audiences


San Francisco – At a recent concert stop at the “City by the Bay”, pop nuisance Miley Cyrus whined that it’s getting too hard to shock audiences at her shows these days and that Madonna and Lady Gaga have racked up most of the good shock value over the years. Miley feels cheated.

“It’s so hard y’all! I mean, yeah, I’m a freak and all, but I’m running out of ideas that will leave my fans shaking their heads in disgust when they leave my concerts!”

The former Disney airhead went on to say she couldn’t outdo Gaga on outfits so she’s headed the other direction, thinking the less she wears, the better. Read the full story

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‘American Idol’ Becomes Proving Ground for Future Politicians After Aiken Congressional Run


Los Angeles – Ryan Seacrest announced this morning that, due to former American Idol finalist Clay Aiken’s close results in his bid to win a congressional seat in North Carolina, the show would transition to a clearinghouse for all future politicians.

“These kids can sing so why shouldn’t they lead our country too?”

RIGHT: January 20, 2021, President Aiken and his Cabinet. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com.

Seacrest grinned while thinking of the possibilities, “I can envision a country where Carrie Underwood would be the hottest Secretary of State we’ve ever had. Are you telling me all world leaders wouldn’t shut up and listen when she walked into a room? Come on!” Read the full story

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Alanis Morissette, Sarah Jessic Paker in Horse Alliance Leaked


The biggest name in 90s femimusic has been linked with the biggest name in subsription-only television faux drama. Akabus Morissette and Sarah Jessica Parker have not only come out as lebians, but as equine-Canadiamericans at that.

In an announcement that shocked literally twos of soulless Hollywood star chasers, multi-platinum recording artst Alanis Morrissette has come out as a lesbian, a self-proclaimed “Canadian” and a conveneint lesbian. Read the full story

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5 Steps To Hosting A Million Dollar Party


So, you made your way into college…Great, good job! Now all that’s left for you to do, is to acknowledge you have no place there and all your future holds for you is a prime career in flipping burgers.

Nah, I’m joking, you’re probably the spoiled brat of a millionaire anyway and you don’t have to lift a finger for the rest of your life. The only reason you’re in college is because it’s good PR for your father’s business empire. Read the full story

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Posted in Opinion/Editorial, SocietyComments (8)

Sean “Hey-Diddly-Ho” Combs Builds a Revolting New Station


Mere days after sobering up from an embarrassing appearance at the Golden Globe awards, Sean “Bo Diddley” Combs along with MTV VP Andy “Boom Shak-A-Lack-A” Schon have put together a revolutionary new channel called Revolt, geared at music fans.

Revolt revolves around music videos, live performances and social media to encourage an on-going conversation with an imaginary audience. Read the full story

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Concert Venues Legally Required to Have Separate Restrooms for Trans-Siberian Orchestra


PHILADELPHIA — Mayor Michael Nutter recently signed into law a piece of legislation requiring all concert venues within the Greater Philadelphia Area to provide separate restrooms for members of the Trans-Siberian Orchestra, sources report. Read the full story

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Local Dad Reassures Son That Family Dog Died Because Kanye Works in Mysterious Ways


WICHITA, KAN — Following the recent death of his family’s beloved Golden Retriever “Champ,” Area Dad Russell Kerndike consoled his 12-year-old son Gary by explaining that, “Well, sometimes Kanye West works in mysterious ways.”

“You see, Gar, sometimes He puts out a great album” continued the elder Kerndike, placing a knowing hand on his tearful son’s shoulder while elaborating on the true nature of the hip-hop mogul and self-proclaimed god. “And other times, out of nowhere, He breaks into your house and slits your dog’s throat.” Read the full story

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*80% of “Pirated Tracks” Already Legally Owned


The RIAA and their cronies like to claim tirllions in lost record sales, mere pennies of which the actual recording artists eventually see, but Maybeth Barker of Parketh, Illinois is part of the trend that bucks the system.

I downloaded the whole first album from Rage Against The Machine. I already own it, but it’s buried in boxes of [stuff],” says Barker.

“I paid like $15 for it, I just can’t find it right now. Does that make me a pirate?”

The law is wiggly, but yes, without doubt or hesitation, Barker is a pirate. Since she downloaded the 12-tracks she already legally owns, she’s liable for $120,000 in damages to the RIAA, none of which will go to the recording artists.

“You’re not going to turn me in or anything, are you?” asked Barker, but it was too late. We had already turned her in to the local police, firefighters, and a guy I think was actually just an icecream man, though he did have a siren.

“I don’t even know what to do with this complaint,” said Jector Namewithheld, Badge #1836, an icecream fireman, police firefighter, or fire icesmith. “This isn’t something in our jurisdiction.”

“No, we know that the vast, overwhelming majority of so-called piracy cases are people downloading music that they already own, or can listen to for free on streaming services or over the radio,” said James Hayworth, director of candid relations at BMI, “but there’s so much money in sueing these pricks it would be criminal not to prosecute them.”

Mr. Hayworth asked to interviewed off-the-record, but only after his inflamatory remarks, so we basically shut off the recorder at that point.

“Music has been free for 80-years,” said Jason Sony, grandson of Taku Sony, and heir to the sony fortune. “If you hum it, they’ll want to tax it. That’s sad, but it’s the truth. They tried to make ring-tones a public performance, subject to royalties. Shameless, dude. They have no shame.”

When asked if by “they” he meant “he” has no shame, Sony refused to comment, but cut three lines in his forearm.

Dark, I know.

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Conductor Unveils “Reduced Fat Orchestra”


NEW YORK CITY – A conductor is drawing wide attention for his decision to present a “Reduced Fat Orchestra” to future audiences.

Tomasso Fillipo Rivelli, 32, came to the conclusion after getting word that Congressman Paul Ryan’s “Path to Prosperity” budget plan would pass the Senate with a veto-proof majority.

Included in the plan are significant reductions in funding for the National Endowment for the Arts, which Rivelli’s musical company relies on for much of its operational income. Read the full story

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An Interview With Philip Glass During the Apocalypse


New York – In the refined New York home of Philip Glass, the great American minimalist pianist, we discussed the finer points of symphonic and chamber music over cheese and 10-year old Merlot wine.

Q: When you first began playing the piano, who were the composers that you found most influential?

A: I really enjoyed the compositions of my pet rock, Barney. I used to let him lay on the keyboard and play a single note for hours on end. It was an epiphany… Read the full story

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Omphaloskepsistic Guitar Soloist’s Shameful Arrest


A man was arrested by police in the small hours of yesterday night after an angry woman made a call to the emergency services from a bar just outside the suburbs of New York.

Police were called to the scene at about 2:30am where it is believed that a band known as The F Zappas were playing.

It is understood that police stormed the bar, hurried on stage and arrested the lead guitarist on suspicion of guitar wanking. Read the full story

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Gwen Stefani’s Belly Button Demands More Money


LOS ANGELES – According to TMZ, Gwen Stefani’s belly button has started intense negotiations with the singer in an attempt to receive more compensation.

Despite doing absolutely nothing except being attached to Stefani’s body, the belly button (which is asking to be referred to as Suzie) is demanding a 50% increase in her daily stipend and a larger assortment of jewelery.

The belly button is also demanding her own camera crew and a meeting with reality show executives. “Look, everyone knows that I’m the real talent behind Gwen. She would just be another female pop star if it wasn’t for my amazing beauty. And she knows it! That’s why she always flaunts me to the world,” said the belly button. Read the full story

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Pakistani Jazz Band ‘Cock Disturbance’ Jailed for Blasphemy


ISLAMABAD – Pakistani police have arrested all four members of an Islamabad based jazz band named Cock Disturbance for blasphemy. The group was arrested after performing an impromptu concert in a mosque where they called for the resignation of Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari.

Cock Disturbance now faces a maximum punishment of death if convicted. The four will be sentenced later this week. Their arrests are attracting attention around the world as a sign of Pakistan’s increasing intolerance of free expression. Read the full story

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Exclusive Interview with Kanye West


I recently had the opportunity to sit down and speak with one of the most popular and successful hip-hop artists of our time: Mr. Kanye West. The following is a transcript of our interview.

BDF: Good morning. It’s truly an honor to be able to get to meet with you.

MR. WEST: Yeah, it is.

BDF: Do you mind if I call you Kanye?

MR. WEST: Naw. Read the full story

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