Tag Archive | "greed"

Oil Companies Have Reversed Idea Of The Spirit Of Christmas


Oil companies, some of the wealthiest entities on earth, have somehow a skewered idea of what Christmas is supposed to be about.

This is due to their RAISING the price of gasoline for the holiday week instead of in the spirit of Christmas lowering it or at least being civil and leaving it at the pre-season rate.

But oil companies seemed to embody the spirit of Scrooge instead of the Holy Spirit and always have. Read the full story

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Posted in Crime, EnvironmentComments (0)

Honey Boo Boo Plans Comeback For 2046


7-year-old Alana “Honey Boo Boo” Thompson says she plans to burn out soon as a child star but has already planned her ‘comeback’ for the year 2046 when she is 41 years old.

“Sure, I’m a fat child star now but my good fortune won’t hold out forever!” a very mature Boo Boo stated. “By the time I hit my teens I will be burnt out on drugs and sleeping with all kinds of losers”.

Boo Boo says she will probably lose all her money through unscrupulous managers, bad investments and a greedy mother. However, she claims the nostalgia craze will enable her to regain her fortune when she is older.

Her mother June Shannon supports her daughters future comeback. “I admit, I’m terrible at managing money”, Shannon stated. “I mean, I’m just a dumb southern housewife with this freaking talented kid and I don’t know what the hell I’m doing!”

“If I’m this obnoxious now can you imagine me in a few years?” Boo Boo asked. “I’m lucky I’m still gonna be working next year!” TLC network has renewed the show for another season.

Honey Boo Boo also pointed out that she’s not as dumb as the TLC network makes her out to be.

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Posted in Celebrity Gossip, EntertainmentComments (1)

U.S. Congress Sets Fixed Price on Free Speech


A bill explicitly stating that American citizens will be allocated 1 second of free speech for every $10,000 they make a year has made its way through the Senate subcommittee process. The following is the official transcript of the final hearing:

2012

A BILL TO CODIFY, GUARD, AND BOLSTER FREE SPEECH RIGHTS IN THE UNITED STATES

HEARING

BEFORE THE

SUBCOMMITTEE ON THE CONSTITUTION, CIVIL RIGHTS, AND HUMAN RIGHTS

OF THE
COMMITTEE OF THE JUDICIARY Read the full story

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Don’t Blame the Rich, It’s a Generational Thing


Just as the rich say that breaking the cycle of poverty is a never-ending battle because it is self-perpetuating, some are now using that same logic to try and explain the unmitigated greed that is threatening to tear apart entire states such as Wisconsin and Michigan.

The rich, or as they like to refer to themselves as “the haves” say they simply can’t help it. Read the full story

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Posted in Human InterestComments (0)

Wall Street Whizzes “Said Sorry”, Beg Public for New Nest Eggs


The front page of USA Today announced that ‘Five Wall Street Heavyweights say it’s time to “Get Back Into Stocks!”’

Yes folks, for those of you who are not unemployed or living out of a storage unit, it is time to take your hard-earned cash and put it back into the hands of those people who almost sunk the United States like it was the Titanic.

Hey, what the heck! It’s only money. It’s not like you need it to survive in our modern world. Read the full story

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The Term ‘CEO’ Now Has So Many Different Meanings


At one time in our no-so-distant past the term ‘CEO’, meaning ‘Chief Executive Officer’, was invented to replace the perfectly good word ‘President’ as the title for the person heading up a company or corporation.

For some reason, some bureaucratic gerbils somewhere decided that acronyms were better than names for describing institutions, treaties, corporations and other entities of importance because it made them sound cooler and more authoritative. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, CrimeComments (1)

Millions of Americans Trapped Below Middle Class w/o Rescue Plan


Rescuers are busy on a plan to reach millions of Americans who have become trapped somewhere between middle class and lower class without much of a chance of survival. They claim a level of greed several hundred feet thick is separating the trapped Americans from reaching the upper crust.

While several escape plans have been formulated, none of them seem to be iron-clad winners and therefore, have not been put into action as yet. The committee put in charge of the rescue plan claims they are unable to put the effort and resources into such a large plan until after the mid-term elections have determined who the next group of rescuers will be. Read the full story

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Gun & Beer Sales Up, Foreclosures Down in Michigan


MIDDLE AMERICA, USA (GlossyNews) — Folks facing financial ruin in Michigan have finally come up with a solution to losing their homes to banks through the foreclosure process. They are taking their unemployment checks and purchasing rifles to fend off anyone looking to evict them from the homes they’ve worked so hard over the years to buy. They’re also buying beer necessary to keep their bravado up as they attempt to stave off those who are hell bent on taking what’s left of their dignity. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, Human InterestComments (3)

How I Hate My Wife’s Magazines “for Women”


These woman’s magazines that my wife read are filled with well-fashioned commercials of materialistic and luxury-seeking beauty and life styles.

So much that I can smell the hands of the high intellectuals who have carefully crafted these rhetoric to fool women. These are a special class of subservient intellectuals who are in the business of imposing thoughts to women of tender age, and framing ideas for big businesses that sell these female products, and telling all the women readers everywhere what they should believe about the world within themselves and around them. Read the full story

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Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (1)

The United States of Corporate America


SANDPOINT, Idaho (GLossyNews) — In a bold statement today, a jubilant Sarah Palin announced her plans to rename our country. “We live in a great country. And if we want to see things get done, if we want to support our economy, we need to recognize who the real leaders are. It’s not our government, it’s our country’s corporations that really make our country great. In honor of all the great businesses of America, I propose we rename our country, “The United States of Corporate America.”

GOP representatives all across the country have denied any knowledge of Palin’s proposal, but one spokesperson close to Palin, who spoke only on condition of anonymity, stated that drafts of this proposal have already been introduced in Senate and House subcommittees. Read the full story

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Posted in Biz News, PoliticsComments (3)

Litterbug Fined While BP Oil Disaster Looms


Tippy Toe, LA (GlossyNews) — Amos Moses, an old Cajun who lives by his self in the swamp, hunts alligators for a livin, he just knock ’em in the head with a stomp, was fined 100 clams yesterday for tossing an old soup can from his truck window in plain sight of a Louisiana Sheriff.

As the black tide known as the BP oil disaster crept closer to shore, it was easily seen behind Moses as he stood on the side of the gravel road Read the full story

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Posted in EnvironmentComments (0)

Goldman Sachs Can’t Eliminate Mysterious Odor of Dirty Rats


New York, NY (GlossyNews) –The area around the offices of Goldman Sachs in New York City and New Jersey are void of pedestrian and vehicular traffic because of an overwhelming stench resembling the smell of dirty rats emanating from every part of the building and the pores of some of the top executives.

After almost six months of investigating, The New York and New Jersey health departments cannot pinpoint the source of the nauseating smell, but the search has narrowed to the top few floors of the Goldman Sachs buildings where the smell is so strong it’s beginning to eat the paint from the walls. Read the full story

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Corporate Execs Spell Out Their Goals — Greed, Lust and Power


Mission statements are a modern attempt to give pretend meaning and an acceptable facade to the corporation in its never ending pursuit of profits. They are the true intentions and purposes of the business, supposedly. The problem is that the facade is leaning and the meaning is muddled. If we could see the corporate executive’s REAL intentions, they might look something like this: Read the full story

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Special Ring of Hell Created for CEOs


God Almighty in close association with Satan has created a special hell for CEO’s and other business leaders who have helped to create the present world-wide financial meltdown (it seems Satan himself couldn’t stomach the gall of these money-engorged maggots and willingly agreed to work in conjunction with his nemesis). In one of the most colossal constructions since the six days it took to make the universe, the two, working under the corporate title ‘Raising Hell’ created the following new sectors, much on the order of a uniquely unpleasant theme park: Read the full story

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Posted in ReligionismComments (1)

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