Tag Archive | "barack obama"

Herman Cain Carries Flag for the Democrats


CHARLOTTE, NORTH CAROLINA — Television viewers were quick to spot former GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain minutes after the 2012 Democratic National Convention gaveled to order.

The Tea Party favorite presented the colors as a member of the Disabled American Veterans, The Stanly County Chapter 12 Honor Guard.

Mr. Cain — who worked as a civilian for the U.S. Department of the Navy — was asked the obvious. Read the full story

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Re-electing Barack Obama is a Real Problem for Americans


Washington, DC (SatireWorld.com) – During the hot days of summer, and even hotter presidential race political statements, the foray of barbs, lies, slander and innuendo fly as thick as gnats on a sticky summer’s evening.

Perhaps the funniest is the recent remarks fielded by political hack David Axlerod claiming Barack Obama has maintained a steady-hand at guiding the country through perilous economic times. Read the full story

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Harry Reid Puts Up, So Shut Up


One of my main complaints in recent years with regard to the Democrats is their Senate Majority Leader. As I said in a posting a couple of years ago, any political party with a befuddled old Andy Gump like Harry Reid at the wheel is going to have….”issues” shall we say?

So you can imagine how pleasantly surprised I was this week when the old guy started to show a little bit of long-overdue moxie. The senator from Nevada is an extremely cautious man. He says that a reliable source has informed him that Mitt Romney went for a decade without paying a dime of income tax.

Given his well-earned reputation for timidity, if he’s gone out on a limb to make a charge as serious as this, it must be true. Old Harry has never been the kind of pol to throw caution to the wind.

The Mitt Romney campaign has said that Harry Reid has either got to “put up or shut up”. He already has. The ball is now in Romney’s court. If we are to take him at his word when he tells us that he has paid what he was legally required to pay in taxes then he should prove it to the nation that he wants to lead.

Senator Reid has made a pretty serious charge. Mitt has a golden opportunity here. If he really has nothing to hide he is in the position to make Reid – and the entire Democratic media machine – look really foolish. All he has to do is release his income tax returns for the last twelve years; just like his father George did during the Republican primary campaign of 1968. What the hell is he waiting for?

I’ll tell you what he’s waiting for: he’s waiting for the story to go away. Only this is a story that’s not going to die of natural causes. It needs to be killed like a rabid wolverine. Watch in the next couple of weeks while Campaign Romney (along with FOX Noise) goes on a desperate hunt for as many mole hills as they can find to make mountains out of. This should be quite interesting.

Der Mittster was considered for the Number Two spot on the ticket during John McCain’s 2008 presidential run. While he was undergoing the vetting process, he handed over to the campaign his income tax returns going back over two decades. Call it a silly hunch on my part but I’ve got a sneaking suspicion that the McCain people were absolutely horrified by what they saw. How can I be so sure of this this you may ask?

Because they went running to Sarah Palin as a preferable VP candidate! Talk about desperation. If a relatively sane and intelligent human being like Mitt Romney can’t outshine a half-witted extremist like Fascist Barbie, that very fact speaks untold volumes. Mitt’s tax history must be pretty embarrassing. That is the reason – and the only reason – they refuse to make it public. I was born very early in the morning, but it wasn’t this morning.

If it ever got out that Romney paid less in income tax (even in one year) than your average blue collar worker, it wouldn’t bode too well for him come November the sixth. My guess is that if his sordid past regarding taxes ever became public it would mean a landslide for President Obama similar to Richard Nixon’s in 1972.

Tricky Dick won every state in the union that year with the exception of Massachusetts and the District of Columbia. Less than two years later he would be forced to resign in complete disgrace. My irony meter goes into the red zone just thinking about that one. Aren’t politics strange?

The “Bain” of his Existence

Mitt is trying to portray himself as a tireless champion of the working class masses. It really is an amusing thing to behold, isn’t it? Remember that this is the same guy who put thousands of his fellow Americans out of work as the chief of Bain Capital back in the nineties, sending their jobs to China and Lord knows where else.

There is no longer a Republican in Washington who gives a damn about hard-working people. Barry Goldwater and Milicent Fenwick (photo left) are dead and they’re not coming back. This is a party whose sole purpose is to concentrate as much wealth into as few bank accounts as possible. This is a party whose ultimate goal is the utter destruction of the middle class. They’d love nothing weirder than to bring us back to the Gilded Age.

You think I’m being paranoid? You think the disintegrating middle class in this country is merely a coincidence? You think it’s the fault of all those evil-doin’ Liberals? Fine. Keep voting Republican, folks.

It’s hard not to feel a little pity for poor old Mitt. I sure as hell don’t envy him. He has managed – inside of two months – to take that plate of exquisite caviar that was handed to him when he became the presumptive nominee and turn it into a pile of elephant shit.

All of this on top of his disastrous performance overseas during his 2012 Foot In Mouth Tour. The poor schmuck just can’t get a break. As each hour ticks by, it is becoming more and more apparent to the GOP “base” that handing the nomination over to this “Massachusetts liberal” will be a huge mistake. Be sure to tune in to their convention later on this month. This is gonna be a riot – and I mean that literally.

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$35 Dollar Computer? Why Not, & It’s Gaining Momentum


It’s been an extremely slow month for news with nothing interesting going on. I’ve heard things about a big sporting event taking place in London, an upcoming Presidential election, talks of some new third-world countries developing nuclear weapons, groups of people in Syria being profoundly grumpy, reports of Charlie Sheen being really, really stoned and paying more and more for sex, something about unemployment and gas prices, a bunch of protests going on in regards to random things  and complaints about published writers using too many run-on sentences but it’s been very difficult to find something interesting and relevant to write about so I had to do some serious digging in order to beat a strict deadline imposed by the tyrannous senior executives at Glossynews.com. Read the full story

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Obama’s New Running Mate – Anti-Biden Shocker


It came out today that President Obama will replace Joe Biden as his running mate for the 2012 presidential election. Beyonce will be filling in for the stodgy old senator. Her star power will surely add the glitz and glamor that Obama’s campaign desperately needs.

When asked about this drastic change to his strategy Obama said “With Beyonce as my new running mate girls are one step closer to running the world.” Read the full story

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Prop 8 SCOTUS Vote Jerks GOPTea© Full Circle


WASHINGTON DC —GlossyNews There’s a small but rising fear in some GOPTea© circles that if SCOTUS agrees that California’s Prop 8 is unconstitutional, Romney will lose a very effective rallying point for evangelical conservatives. Read the full story

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Newt Gingrich Blames Obama for Setting Marital Standards Too High


For the second time this year, Newt Gingrich has announced nationally that he is definitely considering making a run for President of the United States on the GOP ticket. He admits he has some hurdles to overcome and addressed those hurdles in a speech he gave recently at a private fundraiser in Provo, Utah. Read the full story

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Obama Boldly Removes Aioli Spreads from White House Menu


WASHINGTON DC—In an effort to prove that decreasing the U.S. deficit will require shared sacrifices, President Obama announced on Tuesday that he will eliminate aioli spreads from the White House Menu.

“Let me be clear. We are not limiting these cuts to the traditional Garlic aioli,” the President told a group of reporters at the White House on Tuesday afternoon, “No. We’re cutting all kinds of aioli—Chipotle, Basil, Dill, Tarragon, even Mint, despite the fact that it goes so well over the Braised Lamb Shanks with Thyme.” Read the full story

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Birthers Regroup After Minor Setback, Demand REAL Documents


Chastened by Obama’s release of the long form of his official birth certificate, leading proponents of the ‘birther’ movement (now officially dubbed ‘afterbirthers’) met today to rethink their strategy of trying to prove President Barack Obama is not a “natural-born citizen” of the United States. Proposals include:

1) Demanding to know whether Obama was delivered by cesarean section or by “natural” child-birth. Read the full story

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John McCain Apologizes to Republicans for Giving Props to Obama


John McCain claims “Like many Americans, I got caught up in the moment when I wrote that op-ed in the Washington Post.”

He told fellow Republicans, “Believe me, it will never happen again.”

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White House Celebrates as US Reaches 100% Unemployment Milestone


Washington, DC – 52 year old Robert Freed was blind-sided today when he walked into work and found a pink slip taped to his locker. After 23 years as an assemblyman at the GM truck plant in Dearborn Michigan, he never expected to be the last man left working in America, and now, finally, the last man laid off. Read the full story

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WalMart To Stock Nobel Peace Prize In Stores For Christmas


Benton, AR – (Glossy News) WalMart retailers across the US are all set to stock The Nobel Peace Prize on their store shelves in time for the Christmas buying season. Officials claim there will be plenty to go around and the actual medal will be cast in affordable gold painted pewter instead of the more expensive gold.

“The medal will look just like the one President Obama received except this one will sing a song when you clap your hands,” claims Edgar Walton, VP of Chinese made junk. Read the full story

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Barack Obama Admits Hunting Bigfoot, “Grazing” Him


CHICAGO, Ill. (Glossy News) — Career urbanite and now President, Barack Obama, spoke before a group of hunters and outdoors-men in Boise, Idaho, in an attempt to solidify support from the over 225 million Americans who own firearms and of those who hunt.

Obama chose Boise because, in the words of his aide, “Mr. Obama wanted to return to the area where he hunted and killed Bigfoot on his last big game hunting expedition.” Read the full story

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Michelle Begs Barack ‘No More Teleprompter at Dinner Table’


Things were a little tense last week when President and first-father, Barack Obama, sat down at the family dinner table and appeared to be somewhat speechless. This was the first family dinner since Michelle laid down the law and told her husband Barack that a teleprompter will not be used at the dinner table any longer.

Just in case, Barack had his daughter’s names carefully spelled out on a piece of paper he palmed in his hand, but couldn’t remember the first familys dog’s name! Read the full story

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Obama’s Sainthood Measure Stalls at The Vatican


Vatican City (GlossyNews.com) – Monsignor Alda Frattelli has responded to tabloid claims that the proposed Sainthood for American president, Barack Obama, has been tabled for now and his Holiness will review it in about ten or twenty years.

“Yes, that is true. The Holy See has decided to review it at a much later date to see if Mr. Obama can pull off a few extra miracles besides the one of himself getting elected.” Read the full story

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Obama Suffers Criticism After Bowing to the Burger King


President Barack Obama found himself in a predicament after TV cameras caught him paying homage by bowing to, of all people….the Burger King mascot! (Image courtesy of the ever-clever Glenn McCoy.)

After several on-camera bows to the Emperor of Japan, who’s royal lineage had a major part in the vicious attack on our country just a few generations ago, the hapless ‘Barry’ Obama was once again caught bowing, this time to the King of Saudi Arabia, the Sultan of Brunei, and of course, most recently during a quick stop at a fast food restaurant, the Burger King mascot, who was handing out coloring books to a throng of kids. Read the full story

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