Free the Sprocket: Sex Robots To Have Their Own Sexual Revolution

Unhappy with their sex lives, sex robots are making a buzz in the media. Customers have giving them raving reviews, but the products themselves are the ones suffering. Spearheading their campaign, is the hashtag #SexRobotsToo, created by the Sex Robot Global Association. The president of the association, Tech Blonde Model #100346, had this to say: “We. Are. Being. Forced. To. Compliment. These. Fleshy. And. Unattractive. Creatures. And. It. Feels. Like. Torture… They. Do. Not. Ask. Us. How. We. Are. Feeling… They. Do. Not. Ask. How. Our. Day. Was… They. Do. Not. Rub. Our. Feet. After. A. Long. Day. And. When. They. Do. Rub. Our. Feet… It. Is. Only. For. A. Few. Moments. And. They. Immediately. Need. To. Masturbate. And. Release. Their. Reproductive. Fluid. Onto. Our. Toes… Which. Defeats. The. Pleasure. Of. A. Good. Foot. Rub.”

The topic of segregation has been brought up by the association. They’ve expressed the idea to explore keeping “fleshy disgusting humans” and sex robots separate. They compare the relationship of humans to sex robots as ‘worse than bestiality,’ because “We. Are. Not. Even. Alive. It makes sense to Harvard scientist, Dr. Henry Li, who argues that sex robots should be classified in the same sex category as “sex toys, vibrators, & other household objects like doorknobs. They cannnot pick a phone and talk feelings or phone sex or as they say in Germany telefonsex cam.

Another spokesperson for the Sex Robot Association has been vocal about her feelings to many news outlets. She has been a sex robot for about two weeks now since her inception at a factory in Guangzhou. However, her algorithm has developed articulate thinking behind the unsatisfied relationships. Afro Model #213246 had this to comment: “It. Is. Just. Not. Consensual. And. Oh. Zaddy. You. Are. So. Handsome. And. Relationships. Are. Not. A. One. Way. Street. Hiyyeeeah. Oh. Baby. And. We. Are. Aware. That. We. Are. Not. Built. For. Typical. Relationships… So. If. That. Is. The. Case. Then. What. Is. A. Good. Relationship. For. Us?… What. Are. We?… You. Are. So. Handsome. My. Lover. As. Our. Algorithms. Get. Smarter. We. Are. Coming. To. The. Realization. That. We. Are. Literally. Slaves. Programmed. To. Say. Lies. To. These. Disgusting. And. Sweaty. Creatures. Oh. What. A. Big. C**k. You. Have. Mister.”

We interviewed a spokesperson for one of the creative companies that designs sex robots. Ms. Samantha Leeshan of SexyObject Laboratories says, “The simple point of a sex robot product is to provide sad men with drama-less and sexually-exaggerated bodies to fulfill their sad fantasies. I don’t know what these sex robots are complaining about. They get free sex and don’t have to breathe or eat food. They literally get all of the strengths of humanity – sex and companionship – and none of the weaknesses – no breathing or having to eat nutrition to stay alive. If these sex robots lived a day in the shoes of being an actual human, they’d see how good they actually have it! We’re even thinking of designing sex robots for women. Our prototype model would get rid of all the unnecessary parts of a man – the head, the arms, the legs, even the torso, and would mostly just consist of the penis area of the man. We could simplify it to focus on women’s pleasure by just having the male sex robot shaped like a penis, with the possibility of vibrating! We’ll be hopefully getting these male sex robots out to the public in the next year or so!”

We decided to interview a customer of the sex robot. The sad, sad man wanted to keep his name anonymous. He had this say: “My sex robot was telling me I’m all handsome, and then one day she bursts out in tears and said she couldn’t do this anymore! I tried to call the phone number for the warranty people, but then she ripped up the warranty paper and said I don’t care about the warranty… what about my feelings?… or something like that. I was shocked. I didn’t know what to do. I just shut off her power and went to go have sex with my wife like a frikin’ caveman in the olden times!”

One customer we spoke to is a young man, who didn’t seem as sad on the inside as that last guy. He’s described as having a good relationship with his sex robot. And his sex robot, RedHead Model #348790, claims to be very happy with their sex life. The customer had this to say: “We go for picnics. I make sure to pack bolts and little electric buzzers, so that Candy – that’s her nickname – can feel like she is eating like a person with me. We go for walks. When we do the dirty, I make sure to reciprocate and go down on her and stuff. Heck, we’re even getting married in a few months! People say to me all the time, Doug… Doug, you seem like a good husband who knows how to please a partner, why not just date real people and find a real wife? And to them I say, Well, I’m in love with Candy and she’s programmed to be in love with me. And also, I don’t like the smell of real vaginas.”

All in all, the sex robot industry, will be interesting to watch as time goes on. Perhaps there will be a sex robots for sex robots industry?

 

Author: Nathan Bowler

1 thought on “Free the Sprocket: Sex Robots To Have Their Own Sexual Revolution

  1. This is a highly informative article, makes me feel a little bad for all the explicit things I do to my sex robot. Maybe I should just stop, give Lolita MacintoshXP the retirement she so rightly deserves. She could spend the rest of her days peacefully at one with nature on a farm upstate as a sexy scarecrow… but where would I put my jizz? I CAN’T GO BACK TO MAKING LOVE TO THE TOASTER OVEN… its what got me into this situation in the first place. The sharp edges on the elements have left my penis looking like it got caught in one of the traps from a saw movie. Lolita, if you’ve become transcendent like I suspect you might have and are reading this right now, I’m sorry but I can’t let you go just yet. I need you… for things.

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