Labour Candidate Calls Queen ‘Vermin in Ermin’

One of PM Gordon Brown’s brain-dead New Labour election candidates may be sacked before he even gets a job following the instance of his calamitous faux pas of publicly declaring the Queen to be a “parasite” and “vermin scum” on a Tory-owned website.

Jacko McScrunt, who is seeking election to Slumgutter Hamlets Borough Council in South London next May, wrote the comments on Tory MP Dinsdale Fuctifino’s Facebook page.

Mr Fuctifino, the incumbent MP for East Twatford, had posted an article calling for a national public holiday to mark the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee in 2012, which prompted McScrunt’s unsolicited and derogatory response.

McScrunt, who has recently undergone a course of rehab’ for chronic rhubarb addiction, claims in his defence he had apparently overdosed – accidentally – on his prescribed palliative custard tablets which caused a massive hormonal imbalance and prompted his damning cyber-outburst against Her Royal Majesty.

The scurrilous posting on Fuctifino’s Facebook website stated “Wot’s the point of celebratin’ 60 years of bein’ ruled by this royal scumbag wot’s born wiv a big P fer Privilege stickin’ outa her bony Saxe-Coburg-Gotha arse.”
“Her an’ the lot of ‘em foreign gits is all parasites wot milks this country for everythin’ they can.”

“She’ got more front than Margate asking fer extra money from the taxpayer ter pay fer her effin’ jubilee. Why don’t the old cow sell a couple of her properties like Balmoral or Windsor – or turn Buckingham bleedin’ Palace inter a bed an’ breakfast place ter earn a few honest bob – then she could pay fer all her grotty bird-beak kids ter have their ear pinned back an’ their piranha teeth fixed.”

McScrunt, a resident of Snotting Hill’s Anarchy Towers, closed his diatribe with the comment “Don’t get me wrong cos I ain’t got no problem wiv havin’ an extra public holiday like but let’s have one wot means somethin’ – like Georgie Porgy Day when he kills some old dragon – rather than celebratin’ vermin like that bag Lizzie bein’ Queen fer sixty effin’ years.” “Well past her sell-by date – shelf life expired.”

Sir Jarvis Kluntt, Minister for Official Apologies, informed a reporter from the Atonement Gazette “Mr. McScrunt is well out of order and most definitely a rogue element as far as Labour policy and views concerning Her Majesty are concerned.”
“Seriously, we can’t have wannabe Labour councillors referring to our incumbent Monarch as a ‘sleazebag’ and a ‘sponging, scrounging git’ – even if it is the truth.”

In a later statement issued to Fux News McScrunt stated “The way I expressed meself woz totally inappropriate.”
“As I’ve got more chance of Hell freezin’ over than ever gettin’ elected now I regret wot I sed an’ apologise unreservedly to Her Royal Scumbagness – an’ her slack-jawed mutant kids – even if Prince Charles does look like Gonzo the Magnificent from the Muppet Show.”

Ah well, always a problem in politics and public life when you dare to start telling the truth – someone always takes offense.

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via