Bristol Palin Converts to Islam, Promotes Chastity Agenda for Iran

After her Bristolgate scandals of a few years back, the crisis-hit daughter of Sarah Palin has decided to turn over a new leaf.

Sick of the hypocrisy of conservative evangelicals, she has decided to convert to Islam instead.

And to follow the arbitrary dick… er, diktats of the mad Mullahs of Iran; to the very letter!

Last week, Bristol Palin, or Fatima el-Khomeini, as she now calls herself, did her initiation ritual, or Shahada, in front of 1000s of deranged Iranian clerics.

Some said the scene was very moving, and there was a lot of salty gushing, behind the normally firm, if not outright rock-hard pos… er, exteriors of the rough and ready clerics who were serving Ayatollah Khameini with rigor and with vigor…

The dodgy clerics taking one for the team, to a man!…

Despite the hot and steamy summer sun.

I’ve finally found true peace, beyond the petty struggles and egotism of my past. I used to be a gossip and a backbiter, always bitching about other girls. But no more! I’m the holiest I’ve ever been.

Oh, and by the way, I bet that hypocritical bitch Lindsay Lohan wishes she could see me now, huh?!

Bristol is now going to be a global ambassador for…

You guessed it! Sex before marriage.

Er, the absence of sex, I meant.

I guess.

I know I messed up a couple of times. But this time, I’m going for plan B. And I can guarantee you, there will never be any repeat performances!

She opines. A journalist asks her:

But what will you say next time if you do indeed fall into fornication?

Bristol frowns for a moment, apparently puzzled. After being lost in thought for a minute or two, she says:

I guess I’ll just say what I always say. Well hey! Guess I messed up. I promise it won’t happen again!

This joke was met with uproar. After the laughing subsided, Ayatollah Khameini wheezed:

You may not be too far off the mark there, my dear!

 

 

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