Melania Trump to Divorce the President Over ‘Unreasonable Behavior’

Melania Trump is filing divorce papers. The First Lady is finally sick of the Donald’s ‘unreasonable behavior.’

This confidential excerpt is very revealing.

#1 A bidet is not a toilet. Not even if you are the best bidet sitter of all. The Donald bidet-sits the best! Nobody sits bidets like the Donald. Well, yeah. Nobody shits them either, like he does.

#2 “Morning debrief,” regardless of the title, has absolutely nothing to do with your interns, Donald!

#3 Chat Roulette is not an acceptable substitute for live, politically serious web conferences with Angela Merkel. Or Theresa May. Or that filthy Swedish b… Well. anyway. No more!

#4 Screaming at portraits of Abrahan Lincoln about what a miniscule junk he has is utterly pointless.

… Because he’s dead?

Yeah well…

That as well!

Donald Trump is currently threatening to make an executive order to prevent his divorce.

Failing that, he can always wipe Slovenia off the map instead.

Or Poland.

Or Hungary.

Or wherever the hell she comes from. Any hole’s a goal!

He furtively confides in me.

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