Rand and Rev. Al Share the Pie Equally, Dems & Reps Unimpressed!

Senator Rand Paul and Reverend Al Sharpton have shown some interparty solidarity and cut up a blueberry pie into equal slices at a dialogue and lunch event.

Reverend Al gushes:

Hey, listen! This man Senator Rand Paul is great!

I mean, I haven’t seen such mutual engagement and co-operation for a long time!

Well, not since the US State Department got to working with Jabhat-al-Nusra and ISIS to bring down President Assad, anyhow!

Well, let me tell you something, we can work with this man alright! And that blueberry pie; oh my gosh, I’ve never had such succulent blue-sky-colored berries and crusty pastry… wow!

Mmm-hm! Wow! You said, ‘Reverend Al, where’s our blueberry pie?’ Let me tell you something, my friend; the blueberry pie’s right here!

Mmm! Sorry about that! But yeah, I mean, this Senator is cooking up something really special!

Senator Paul is also buoyant:

Reverend Al is not only a hero of the Civil Rights Movement, but from this day forward, I am deeply honored to call him a friend.

I mean, this is just so exciting. I’ve never had a black friend of color before!

But listen carefully. Reverend Al, this good buddy of mine, he just seems like a normal, regular guy…

You know, like all the straight, male, white guys at the GOP I normally hang around with!

Now listen up, everybody. Don’t let anyone ever tell you that black people are bad folks.

I mean, hell, we need as many votes from the African American community as we can get!

Yeah, I mean, racism just doesn’t make sense, where we are now, the modern world, 2015…

Leading up to 2016! I mean, I couldn’t possibly justify our alienating any more black voters!

So yeah, we’re gonna have to have some more dialogue meetings like this.

And more: I promise you this Al, next time, you will have your chance to speak, as much as anyone else!

Hm. Um, Al. I kinda think you and your friends have had enough. D’you mind letting me have the rest of this stuff?

I mean, this was all a good idea, but I don’t want to take it too far.

Yeah, let’s not go overboard here. Fair’s fair!

But others in both the Republic and Democratic Parties (surprisingly) are skeptical. Rick Perry says:

I don’t think all those greedy Democrats at this shallow publicity stunt deserved such a ridiculously large slice of pie. They have contributed very little to this country. All this talk about cutting up the pie, I’m sick of it! Déjà vu city!

Hillary Clinton is unimpressed too:

So… let me get this straight. I know it sounds like I’m repeating myself time and time again, but Reverend Al has a lifetime’s experience of pastoral work, preaching, providing spiritual counseling, and plenty of civil activism. What does Rand “On-The-Job Training” Paul have?

Yes, what does Rand Paul have? Just one insignificant little picture of him, stuffing his face with a DESSERT! He won’t succeed! There’s just no way on earth this man deserves to be President!

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!