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Hey Mormons, Stop By & Answer a Few Questions

Hey Mormons, Stop By & Answer a Few Questions

I had a limited understanding of Mormons, those of the Latter Day Saints faith, prior to 2012 when Romney became the Republican nominee… but now that he’s out there front and center, I have some serious questions to ask you guys.

I knew a few Mormons in high school, a few more in college, and a bigger handful since becoming an adult. Here’s what I would say from my experience with Mormons up until that point.

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Mormons Are:

1 – Never criminal.
2 – Family-centric.
3 – Conservative.
4 – Honest.

But since seeing Mitt Romney elevated to the role of World’s Most Visible Mormon, my faith in your people has been shaken. Seriously, what do you people really stand for?

Without seeing Mitt Romney’s tax returns, we just don’t know if he’s a criminal or not. Many reporters have suggested that he may have taken advantage of the 2009 Amnesty program for those with un-reported cash stashed overseas… this is not impeachable, but it’s a big, big question, and one that requires an answer.

It has an answer, and only one person can provide it… his name is Mitt Romney. Why won’t he provide this answer. What’s so bad about the truth?

Family-centric? Mitt Romney is absolutely pro-family, unless of course you mean the families of the people he put out of work for his own personal gain. This is an unfair attack, so let’s get on to the better points.

Is Mitt Romney conservative? Absolutely not. The only point he’s put forward firmly is tax cuts for the rich. We also need revenue increases, read that as tax increases, across the board. For the lowest class up to the highest class, but he’s only pledged to cut, cut, cut, and mostly for those who are already super rich.

And now we come to honesty, and this is where I have a real problem with Mitt Romney, and also the entirety of Mormonism. Sorry LDS folk, but he’s your most visible face, and he’s a dirty, stinking liar.

I used to believe Mormons. They held the moral high ground. When they said the sky was grey, I believed them, because it might be cloudy and they always tell the truth, right? But Mitt Romney routinely says the sky is green, and I don’t have to look out the window to know that that’s a load of bull hooey.

Here’s what I’ve learned this year about Mormons and the truth:

- Mitt Romney, a former bishop and stake president, has told over five-hundred lies.
- Mormons believe it’s okay to lie for the Lord.
- Mormons deny that God was recently a dude, and one who lives on the planet Kolob circling a nearby star.
- Black people, homosexuals, women and polygamy have a mixed past in the faith, and we shouldn’t ask about them.

So please, Mormons, come in to the comments below and tell me why I’m wrong.

Tell me why I should ever believe anything any Mormon ever tells me ever again. I mean ever.

When you come to my door and try to tell me that you have the truth… why should I believe you, knowing that your people are wholly enshrined in a culture of lies?

After all, Mitt Romney is your guy, but he still polls at 77% among the LDS community… shouldn’t that drop with his glut of absolute lies? Do you even care that your de facto figurehead is lying so much?

I know you are a people of faith, and that with that, you have to accept a lot of outrageous claims without evidence, that’s true of adherents to any faith. Even in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary, but don’t you know that Joseph Smith was a known confidence man, a charlatan?

So please, dear faithful. Consider the comments box below as your open forum. I’ll approve any and all comments you post (take that as a word of caution, even your angry vitriol will be posted.) So tell me why I’m wrong. Tell me why lying is okay, and why the myriad lies you’ve told before are not open to discussion.

I do appreciate your dedication to the family unit, and I’ve still never met a Mormon who has wronged me… but I also haven’t met Mitt Romney, and if he’s the ambassador for your faith, you guys have your heads placed somewhere other than on your shoulders… or in the sand… it’s up your ass is what I’m saying.

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This post was written by

- who has written 373 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.

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14 Responses to “Hey Mormons, Stop By & Answer a Few Questions”

  1. bargis says:

    Breaking news…..

    According to a statement released by the Romney campaign that summarizes the rate of taxes the Republican presidential nominee paid between 1990 and 2009, the rate at which Mitt Romney paid taxes is approximately equal to what President Barack Obama paid last year.

    “Over the entire 20-year period, the average annual effective federal tax rate was 20.20%,” the Romney campaign states, based on a summary of Romney’s taxes from the firm Price Waterhouse Cooper.

    President Obama’s tax rate in 2011 was only marginally higher, at 20.5 percent.

  2. Brian K. White says:

    Right Bargis, that is assuming that Mitt Romney tells the truth… that’s a BIG assumption to make, since he tells non-stop lies. Remember when he was running for Governor and swore up and down that his taxes showed he was a resident of Mass? The election commission finally issued a subpoena to see his tax returns and guess what… he was lying about what was in his taxes.

    You can believe everything your messiah says if you want, but those of us outside the blind faith-based community have a right to ask to see some proof.

  3. bargis says:

    If it’s on his tax returns, it better be the truth, right?

  4. Brian K. White says:

    No no, we’re looking for 2009 when he participated in the Swiss bank account amnesty program. But he should just listen to his own father who said a candidate that doesn’t release ten years of returns is hiding something… it’s okay, the two Romneys do have one important thing in common; a failed bid for the presidency.

  5. Cicero says:

    Perhaps you should place a higher value on your personal experience with actual Mormons rather then judging all Mormons through media reports about a man who is running for president who happens to be a Mormon and whose political philosophy you disagree with.

  6. Brian K. White says:

    @cicero… but Romney is inseparable from the LDS church. One Mormon, writing anonymously, criticized Romney, and he now faces ex-communication.
    http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/09/21/mormons-want-to-excommunicate-romney-critic.html

    I can’t separate the two. Can you? Do you?

    Is lying okay? If not, what have you done about it? He’s your ambassador. It’s not my job to make him make your faith look good.

  7. Nate says:

    He did not face ex-communication because he is anti Romney. Read the Salt Lake Trib article for a better take on the story. And the trim is by no-means pro mormon. Ask any Mormon who lives in Utah.

    http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/news/54944698-78/church-lds-twede-romney.html.csp

  8. Brian K. White says:

    Fair enough… now talk to me about the alleged culture of lying.

  9. Betty Boo says:

    So he’s being excommunicated because he talked about the rituals performed within the sanctity of your holy temples??? Give me a big fat break. Your rituals should not be secret. Catholicism has many rituals and they aren’t secret.

    I just love how even though the Mormon apologists show up they don’t even bother addressing the fact they are just a pack of opportunistic liars.

    Yes, your religion is a scam. Good for you that you pay 10% of your earnings into it, that at least explains the gilded temples, but get the eff real. Yours was a glorified sub-sect of Christianity until Mittens Kittens Romney brought it front and center, and now it’s nothing more than a known scam.

    Enjoy that drink, my friend. It is pressed from sour grapes.

  10. Diamond says:

    I love how they accept all the things that are good about them but never even think to address the elephant in the room. ya it’s a republican. What about all the lies?

  11. bargis says:

    Both candidates have a lock on telling lies, but it seems only one is having his feet put to the fire here maninly because of his religion.

    That’s not the American way, and in fact, is more Taliban than tolerant. I know zero about Mormons, but attacking a fellow American’s religion is sorta nasty. Anyway…that’s my two cents!

  12. Brian K. White says:

    BS, Bargis. Both candidates are NOT equal when it comes to lies and you know that.

    We talked about this privately, but now I’m saying it in the open… do you want me to come over to YOUR house and start espousing my truths?

    You already admitted to me that you enjoy riling people up in these comments, so knock it off. GlossyNews is NOT that kind of site and I simply won’t stand for it. Tell your lies elsewhere. I gave you your own site so you could do it there, now stop being a dick.

  13. Barb Weir says:

    I confess I have a problem with anyone that accuses a politician of telling the truth. Why not answer this question empirically by counting the lies? Of course that could become very time-consuming. Closing Guantanamo? Protecting civilians in Libya? Annual State Department certification that Israel has no nuclear weapons? Democracy in Afghanistan? No US weapons to foreign fighters in Syria?

    Where does it end? I’m voting Green…or Orange or Yellow. Anything but Blue or Red.

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