THE VATICAN, ROME —BobZaguy Socio-political similarities have surfaced between the two most famous world-class conservative church leaders who publicly don’t seem to pay much mind to each other.
However, two bone-shaking statements were made a few days apart by the two men and have most of the world’s religious pundits looking for a pin to stand on.
Self-acclaimed American Pope [Pat] Robertson, taking to the airwaves of CBN, his own company’s broadcast network, had this to say about marijuana users, “I’m … I’m not exactly for the use of drugs, don’t get me wrong, but I just believe that criminalizing the possession of a few ounces of pot, that kinda thing it’s just…it’s…it’s not a good thing.”
Pope [B-dict] Ratzinger XVI (pronounced sh-vy) “I want to kick-start a debate that some people, male prostitutes for one, should begin using condoms as a step in assuming moral responsibility to help reduce the risk of infection. I am not justifying the use of condoms from a theological point of view. That remains the same, it’s still intrinsically disordered. This is just different.”
Both popes happened to join in the same webinar yesterday. After high holiday services were finished and all the communion dishes were drying on the rack, they had kicked off their Pradas, and were relaxing and chatting mostly about Twitter, Facebook and Prayer.
PPR: Ben, pray for my sin of n-v. Your midnight service draws like no other. What were your ##s this year?
XVI: Well, Pat, the unofficial estim8 is 10K but I emphasize that is an estim8. You pull down big ##s yourself over there. I see the intel on you. BTW, the prayer 4 U has been sent up. You’ll get a confirm that you need to shoot back for it to have effect.
PPR: Thnx Ben. You saw that I got my a** in more jam on this drug comment I take it?
XVI: WTF, Pat! WTF…I’ve heard nothing but great news over here about it. All The Cards are coming down on your side as well! You hit it off the pitch as we say at the City.
PPR: I am el8ed 2 hear, Ben. I wanted to strike out in a new —>. Get away from those a**h*le politicos and their TeaBag buddies. OMG r they an f-ing crowd.
XVI: You didn’t r8 1/2 as badly as I did with my condom reversal. Talk about h8 speech! Even my ears were burning! But I had no real choice, either I come out for condoms or I start closing down whole countries. Everyone is using and especially on Sunday mornings, instead of Mass! Our French #s are down to 13% of 1970 attendance now and dropping like dead w8s. And where would I put all those usless Cardinals and thousands of pe**-priests?
PPR: Ben, I don’t envy your sorry a** at all. You’ve taken some real heavy artillery fire the past couple of years. Thanks to the Big G, that our type don’t have your “Catholic Taste” as we call it. You really need to drop back a couple hundred years and reinstitute mistresses for your boys. Keep ’em on the str8 & narrow!
XVI: It’s in the plan, Pat. But it’ll take time to drop Paul’s ’68 Humanae Vitae thing banning condoms. Who would have guessed it would have caused so much trouble? But, what got you to pop for marijuana out of the blue? I’ve got a huge pool going here and I am invested heavily on my take of your reason. Can you tell me?
PPR: What are the leaders right now?
XVI: Well, there’s my first pick: your secret lover is in prison for using; then there’s that you are a secret government tax agent; I was going to buy into the one that said you had a stroke; but I took a side bet on God telling you personally that He created weed; That’s your style. I hope that one wins!
PPR: LOL! You don’t know about the biggest one here. That Chavez secretly OD’d me with some awesome sh*t and I haven’t come down since!
XVI: ROFLMAO! That is one for the books, Pat! Seriously, surely you have something on me. What’s the word?
PPR: Just don’t call me Shirley again. Yea, there’s quite a pool going here about your condomgate. Let’s see if I can remember. Well, there’s the really nasty one. That your lover isn’t putting out til you start wearing – he doesn’t want to get pregnant!
XVI: Of all the … OMG, that’s gross.
PPR: I warned you. Then there’s that Trojan is building you a private lake retreat on Lesbos. And my fav, is that England has threatened to release the video tapes of your little two-night assignation in London. I saw some out-takes of that one! You are a beast, Ben!
XVI: Just between you and me, I had that out-take reel made here and sent it out at $5K each. I have to make the rent here somehow. And this place gets d*a*m*n cold in the winter. Oops, Pat. I have to log out. Someone needs to send out my weekly Twitter – I’ve got 67 million signed, each one fwds 99¢ thru iTunes each week. Nets me $475Gs per character! I give the kid who writes it $3Gs. He’s heavy into Prada so it goes fast!
PPR: Boy! You have all the great networking ideas. Can I borrow that one? I’ll get you 10% referral for the first month. OK?
XVI: Surely you could make it 15%.
PPR: I said stop with the Shirley! 10% or nothing! [signed out]
XVI: Make it 12.5%? [signed out]