It was merely a common single rainbow that heralded Kim Jong-un’s 2nd place finish this weekend at the First Annual North Korean BBQ Blowout in Pyongyang. State media praised the supreme leader of North Korea for his grilling expertise, noting that he nabbed the number two spot without threatening to publicly execute anyone.
In fact, the judges’ taste buds reportedly “went into meltdown” for Kim Jong-un’s incendiary entries in an event that drew participants from across the nation of more than 24 million, and competition was red-hot.
Few of those loyal to the world’s youngest head of state doubted that he would do well despite it being his first venture into the world of competitive North Korean barbecue. Indeed, judges noted his “novel use of nuclear radiation” to grill the meat, rather than more traditional charcoal, imbued the cuts with “subtle acrid overtones that stand in sharp contrast to the usual smoky flavors.”
The divine leader also garnered compliments for his fiery Mushroom Cloud Dipping Sauce, but won even higher praise for his fusion of marinades. The nuclear fermentation techniques used to craft those award-winning marinades and his methods for producing hickory-smoke-enriched uranium are among the most heavily guarded secrets in the world.
On the other hand, the head of state’s Nuclear Beef Short Ribs were “a fallout.” Judges said, “Despite the fact that they appeared perfectly cooked, the short ribs were still sizzling and popping furiously, and we noticed later that they glow in the dark.” Judges said that the dish had their Geiger counters “clicking like a dot matrix printer at a state-run government agency,” ultimately costing him the big win.
Nevertheless, he was awarded 500 North Korean won for his efforts, or a little less than four U.S. dollars.
Kim Jong-un said he intends to introduce his award-winning barbecue to the rest of the world, but he faces challenges. While his marketing skills are at least as good as his deceased father’s, it remains to be seen whether he can successfully deliver his radioactive recipes to places as far away as the United States.
The supreme leader of North Korea celebrated his 2nd place finish by blowing a huge cloud of cigarette smoke in the face of Choegoui Babekyu Yoli, the 1st place champion.
If he can just contact Mr. Cathy on Monday he can arrange for franchise opportunities. We wish him all the best in his efforts, as we also wish Mr. Cathy.
I have so much love for the people of North Korea. They have no idea (for the most part) exactly what kind of prison they are living in, and it's just sad. They're starving to death and there's nothing we can do to help them.