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Offering “Thoughts And Prayers” To Shooting Victims Just Don’t Fly No More. Here’s Why-

Offering “Thoughts And Prayers” To Shooting Victims Just Don’t Fly No More. Here’s Why-

The long overused but handy expression used by countless soulless politicians and supposed sympathizers, when trying to gloss over a tragedy so that they could get back to their money making and power grabbing duties, has finally run its course. The public at large now sees these expressions as statements without any real substance or meaning.

This especially true since it has been exposed just what the “thoughts” are and who the “prayers” are being made to.

When Senator Marco Rubio (recipient of over $3,000,000 in NRA aid) expressed his condolences he was actually making his prayers to Hera, an ancient Greek goddess who murdered her own sons and killed another goddesses children in front of her.

Republican Senator Joni Ernst was found to actually be talking about praying to Kali, a Hindu goddess who drank the blood of her victims, wore a necklace made of human skulls and around whom a murderous cult called the Thuggees revolved. Senator Ernst has received over $3,000,000 in donations from the NRA in her career.

Senator Rob Portman was found to be sending his prayers to the Greek god Kronos who was famous for eating his own children. Again that magic number of $3,000,000 has been seen sticking out of his pockets.

Ex-President of Vice Dick Cheney offered his “prayers” as well, but they were to Satan which comes as no surprise.

A President, who shall remain unnamed, was found to be referring to Moloch, an Ancient Canaanite god who demanded child sacrifice from his people when he offered his “prayers and condolences.” This alleged President has gotten over $21 million (from you know who) in helping to become the head honcho who somehow thinks he is fit to govern a society that used to believe in people’s right to live.

With regards to the “thoughts” these leaders of society were offering to the collaterally damaged Americans who have suffered through gun leniency a clever device that can read a persons mind where wired into the podium from which each of the following people gave their condolences from:

Colorado Senator Cory Gardner (who has received almost $4 million in bumps from the NRA) when he offered his “T and P” was actually thinking “I gotta get through this quick! It’s only an hour until apres-ski time in Vail!”

Senator John McCain’s thoughts as he mouthed the words he had memorized were actually “I hope this buys us some time to make sure no one tries sneaking in any more anti-gun legislation.”

North Carolina Senator Richard Burr was thinking “Gotta say something here to make people think I’m really human and care!” Afterwards he went home and recounted the almost $7 mil he had palmed from the gun maniacs.

After Senator Bill Cassidy said he was “following closely the horrendous act of violence” his thoughts were scanned to actually be: “I hope this keeps the lib-tards under our thumb until I can finish cashing my $2,861,000 check!”

Welcome to America where money can buy you everything, even death and the Presidency!


This post was written by

- who has written 563 posts on

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at


6 Responses to “Offering “Thoughts And Prayers” To Shooting Victims Just Don’t Fly No More. Here’s Why-”

  1. Marty McFly says:

    Thoughts and prayers to Rfreed who is sure to catch a firestorm of trolling for this article.

  2. rfreed says:

    The truth rankles those who don’t deal in it.

  3. Wallace Runnymede says:

    Politicians DO have souls, except maybe the ginger ones…

  4. Wallace Runnymede says:

    Seriously though, thanks to rfreed for providing another important commentary piece. It’s good to have these from time to time, as it adds another level of variety to our content.

  5. Marty McFly says:

    Seriously. The ginger ones have no souls. If you don’t believe me Google Senator James Lankford

  6. Wallace Runnymede says:

    He identifies as a long, glossy, curly-haired 6 foot 1 inch stunning Italian woman though?


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