Following a bloody, three-hour gun battle on the outskirts of Seattle, armed loyalists to ousted editor Brian K. White have reclaimed the offices.
Glossy News had been under the control of The Blaze, Inc., which many considered hostile, for less than twelve hours when the fighting began.
“A lot of good men were lost,” said a hooded, masked, helmeted and thoroughly disguised writer Brendan, who asked not to be named.
“We got mad and some of us really lost our heads, especially Dave. That was our fault.”
‘Dave’, one of almost a dozen local day laborer hired to inflate rebel numbers, had been decapitated in what is being called a “friendly fire” incident.
There was no report on how they could have accidentally beheaded one of their own, especially since he was wearing the official uniform. Dave declined to comment.
A spokesman for The Blaze told GlossyNews that, “the check has already been cancelled, and pursuant to the terms of the contract, we’re going to be billing you for this screw up.”
“What does this change?” asks Brendan. “Well we won’t be writing any more conservative fluff pieces that’s for sure. We’ll probably need to soften our stance on gun control too. Kind of understand the value now.”
Local police declined to get involved explaining that “insurrections are a federal matter.” Federal police were not capable of getting involved due to sequester cutbacks.
For now, White is back at the helm and is enjoying his return to power with a traditional 20-beer feast.
It is common historical policy to stick the offender’s head on a pike outside to ward others off for a month.
I got dibs on it for May though. It would be really cool to have when we start having outdoor summer parties.
Nuts- if they had all killed each other off I could have taken over…..