Categorized | Celebrity Gossip, Music

Bono & Peter Gabriel Slam Wagner: ‘Don’t Separate the Man from the Music!’ (2/2)

Bono & Peter Gabriel Slam Wagner: ‘Don’t Separate the Man from the Music!’ (2/2)

Bono continues:

No. If someone is an artist, it has to come as a whole package. Please, please, please, I beg and implore on the utmost bended knees of my soul and the deepest quivering palms of my heart:

Don’t misguidedly and ignorantly logic-chop and be selective, and say ‘I like this bit but not that bit.’

Yes, how about we just all recognise in our minds and more crucially still, in our hearts and innermost tender marrow of our souls, the essential spiritual unity and cosmic oneness of creation and of every creative person?

I can say to you now and forever:

I really do believe that if we just once tried that, every single one of us on Earth…

Well yeah, then everything would be just fine.

Scene Switch. Exit nice Bono!

Oof! Well, bejaysus, it’s kind of obvious, when you think about it, isn’t it!

But, I mean, it’s the divisive people who just spoil it for everyone else, and you know what?

I’m just sick of ’em.

Aye, ya know, these cynical, shiftless, Blarney-mongering bastards aren’t normal, moral folks of high ideals like you and me; and I tell you what, they just don’t know what’s coming to ’em!

I mean, anyone who divides Humanity into speculatively constructed warring camps and makes any kind of distinction whatsoever should not be permitted to sup at my table or that of any other decent person!

Aye, they can just take all their fake metaphysical pieties and shove ’em up their bloody arses!!!


As Bono’s compatriot would tell you: ‘Wait, there’s more!’

Aye! It seems that Caliph Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi was not particularly impressed, telling me over a nice contraband technically-non-haram (for Caliphs) Guinness™ in the moderate political Islamist quarter of his new hot-ass spiritual empire:

Aye, to be fair te ye, I do also believe in this here essential unity and oneness of God’s Creation.

But I don’t believe in precisely all that there metaphysical bollocks, the same type o’ essential unity and oneness shite that this shitty, pretentious, intrusively pious pair o’ wankers believe in.

So, they are OBVIOUSLY more wrong than I am! Stupid, superstitious, thieving gobshites!


Earlier version:


This post was written by

- who has written 367 posts on

Conspirator-in-Chief of the Peace Criminals Project: Neocon Surveillance& Satirical-Industrial Complex! Also published on a range of satire sites. Currently co-editing Glossy News (under the webmaster, Brian K. White). Contact me to pitch or submit your satire! David Cameron says I am a #TerroristSympathizer. Islamists say I am an #Islamophobe. New Atheists think I am a #CravenApologistForPrimitiveBronzeAgeSuperstitions. MRAs & Alt-Right think I'm a #MatriarchalCuck. Others say I'm a #StraightMiddleClassWhiteBoy. And still more think I'm a #FuckingPleb. Just another edgy day at the Satirist's office! I am the Mayor of the Zero Fucks Community ;) @w_runnymede (Twitter)


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