For some time now, people have been wondering whether Bono will be jetting off to Syria and Iraq, in order to single-handedly deliver the beleaguered citizens of these countries from the perils of war.
But he’s not having it!
C’mon lad! Just give us some bloody innovation, would ya? Not going to perform nothing in Syria, so I’m not.
Sure who cares about all this here about embattled autocratic leaders and beleaguered states struggling to find a common life amid the turmoil of age-old religious conflict? Sure if I wanted any of that there, I could just take a quick hike up North!
And it turns out this here so-called ‘Caliph’ lad is a miserable old so-and-so, and he doesn’t allow no music. I mean, when I first saw the flashy cape, I thinks to meself: ‘Very stylish! We’ll have a right old hooley on St Patrick’s day with this fashionable old mucker of mine!’ But nah! Turns out he’s just a pompous, idealistic old chancer with ideas above his station!
President Assad has begged Bono to reconsider and help him drive away the rebels.
I just love ‘The Joshua Tree, Bono!’ I’m your biggest EVER fan!
Hm! Not biting.
Oh, I see, lad. What’s your favourite track then?
Oh, um, that’s easy. It’s, er, you know, the one with, uh…
The leprechauns and the uh, dancing maypole on the 13th of July (you do call them maypoles in Ireland, don’t you?) And, and, er, um, the nice shamrocks and the…
But somehow, Bono still refuses to reconsider.