ESPN’s debating holiday bowl destinations for college football teams, but I, Tim the Tout, have the more interesting lines. The NCAA approved a television contingency, readied if Covid-19 surges so holiday bowls can’t field actual teams. Already, a number of bowls are cancelling, though, of course, television timeslots still need filling for those games.
The contingency plan would match the best named Movie against best named TV Series gridiron teams, with Comic teams bowl-eligible on the TV Series selection side. Nintendo video game designers will secretly cull football sequences from films, series or strips to fashion games for America to watch and, most importantly, BET.
Tim’s Tout Sheet below features exclusive italicized betting picks for what I would project as the twenty best substitute bowl games, framed by the two most important, the New Year’s games to determine the “Best Named Cinematic Champ” (Movie Teams listed first in Matchups):
Pasadena, Jan. 1 — South Central Louisiana State U. Mud Dogs (The Waterboy)
Playoff Semifinal “Sniff Test Smells Out Swine as Underdogs”
Rose Bowl — Snortin’ Swine of Springfield A&M (The Simpsons)
Frisco, TX, Dec. 19 — San Francisco Miners (Love on the Sidelines)
Tropical Smoothie “Smooth picking for Miners”
Café Frisco Bowl — San Francisco Treat (PJs)
Dallas, Dec. 26 — California Crusaders (Any Given Sunday )
SERVPRO First “Crusaders to Get Stunned”
Responder Bowl — Springfield Stun (The Simpsons)
Orlando, Dec. 26 — Louisville Mystics (The Waterboy)
Cure Bowl “Always Tout the Mystics”
— Seattle Cobras (Carly)
Shreveport, Dec. 26 — Maine Androids (Any Given Sunday)
Radiance Technologies “Take Tech Chalk Bet: The ‘Droids”
Independence Bowl — Boston Americans (The Simpsons)
New York, Dec. 29 — New Jersey Bobcats (Necessary Roughness)
Pinstripe Bowl “Jersey to Smash Big City Hosts”
— New York Smashers (Marvel’s Kickers)
San Antonio, Dec. 29 — Boston Rebels (The Game Plan)
Valero Alamo Bowl “RC Often Comes from Behind”
— Rump City Booty Heads (Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy)
Charlotte, Dec. 30 — John Hughes High School Wasps (Not Another Teen Movie)
Duke’s Mayo Bowl “Spread Big for Ironmen”
— Pittsburgh Ironmen (Queer as Folk)
Nashville, Dec. 30 — Washington Sentinels (The Replacements)
TransPerfect “Fat Lady Will Sing for Angels”
Music City Bowl — Texas Angels (The A-Team)
Arlington, Dec. 30 — Darwin University (Horsefeathers)
Goodyear Cotton “Take Darwin; Sabers not Evolving”
Bowl Classic — San Diego Sabers (The Game)
Inglewood, Dec. 30 — Los Angeles Outlaws (Against All Odds)
LA Bowl “Big Fan of the Peacocks”
— University of Los Angeles Peacocks (Fresh Prince of Bel Air)
Fort Worth, Dec. 31 — Adams College Atoms (Revenge of the Nerds)
Lockheed Martin “Take the Over: Bombs Away Offenses”
Armed Forces Bowl — Springfield Meltdowns (The Simpsons)
El Paso, Dec. 31 — Faber State (Animal Farm)
Tony the Tiger “They’re Great: Mongols Unless It’s Rigged”
Sun Bowl — Houston Riggers (1st and Ten)
Houston, Dec. 31 — North Dallas Bulls (North Dallas Forty)
Texas Bowl “Cow Skulls, You Have a Problem”
— San Antonio Cow Skulls (The Simpsons)
Atlanta, Jan. 1 — New York Dukes (Game Plan)
Chick-fil-A- “Dukes May Mine Claymores”
Peach Bowl — Scottish Claymores (Family Guy)
Jacksonville, Jan. 2 — Cleveland Cats (Against All Odds)
TaxSlayer “Cats to Devour Big Fish”
Gator Bowl — The Langley Falls Bazooka Sharks (American Dad!)
Tampa, Jan. 2 — Duluth Bulldogs (Leatherheads)
Outback Bowl “Not Silly: Duluth Live Dogs”
— London Silly Nannies (Family Guy)
Glendale, AZ Jan. 2 — Albuquerque Aztecs (Any Given Sunday)
PlayStation “Aztecs will Snuff Condors Out”
Fiesta Bowl — San Francisco Condors (Monk)
Miami Gardens, Jan. 2 — Miami Bucks (Semi-Tough)
Capital One “Juice Says: Pass the Bucks”
Orange Bowl — New Jersey Blazers (Magnum P.I.)
New Orleans, Jan. 1 — Texas State U. Fightin’ Armadillos (Necessary Roughness)
Playoff Semifinal at “Wholly Names! Even Matchup”
Allstate Sugar Bowl — Enormous State U. Sandcrabs (Tank McNamara Comics)