Trumpisms 11.0


As Trump continues to stink in the polls,

of course he will try to discredit them.

He doesn’t believe in the North Poll or the South Poll.

Even the polls of Polland are fake news.


Beware of shaving cream

and spray deodorant.

Coronavirus spreads by aerosols. 🙂


Trump is the ultimate VICE president.

A master of vice.


Taking insanity to a new level —

wearing masks that offer no covid protection.

Look on the bright side.

Our image of what is humanly possible is expanding

opening new opportunities for fiction.


Apparently, Trump believes

any Portland in a storm.


In the new socially-distanced normal,

you have no choice but to love yourself.

It’s boomtime for Pornhub.


In his speech today about the Trump virus,

the Idiot-in-Chief was proud

of all the viles the federal government has provided.

He didn’t have time to name them all.

But they include Trump himself and Barr, Pompeo, McConnell, Vos …

More vileness than the world has ever seen.


Conversation ten years from now —

“How did you spend the pandemic?”

“I don’t remember the bill, but I got back some change.”


Are you suffering from Trumpistis?

Not the Trump vius,

but the Trump sindrome.

The most common symptom is

perpetual, debilitating, excruciating

pain in the ass.


Trump’s new resort —


We can’t take any mar of this.


I’m surprised that Trump hasn’t started tweeting

about the Demoncratic Party


To be a GOP member,

you have to have congress with a whore.


Trump and his enablers are fedophiles,

repeatedly fucking up the federal government.


I’m an optimist.

When Trump is in prison

serving consecutive life sentences for treason

and negligent manslaughter,

I can imagine him finally doing something

for the good of mankind —

recording ads for Alzheimer’s and dementia charities

based on his personal experience.


By executive order,

satire and hornpipes are now banned.

Trump just heard

that Pan caused the pandemic.


Chore reminders for life under a Trump dictatorship:

Monday wash the clothes

Tuesday launder the money

Wednesday wash the brain.


“Post office” is a prophecy.

The new normal may not include

physical offices, only virtual ones.


Trump is addicted to power.
But I have faith that with the help of AA
(Assholes Anonymous)
he will quit
the habit.


After 5 months of sequestration

I feel like Ben Gunn

marooned in a desert apartment

with a treasure of 3000 of the world’s greatest books —

lonely but delighted.


How many racists does it take

to change a whitebulb?

They don’t know how to change.

Even an infant number will screw it up.


Why doesn’t the Vice President

ask for reimbursement

of what he pays out-of-pocket?

He gets tremors thinking about

Ex-Pence Reports.


Recommended therapy for acute trumpitis.

Imagine a demented old man

with no knowledge of government

is president.

He’s a megalomaniac who thinks he’s above the law

and will do anything for personal power and profit.

Then imagine you wake up,

and the nightmare is over.


Trump is blatantly trying to rig the election.

That’s evidence that he is dead

and rigger mortis is setting in.


Trump left his balls at the golf course.


Product idea —

pinatas that are effigies of Trump,

with voodoo instructions.


Watching the Democratic Convention.

The beginning is moving, but like a funeral is moving. —

the funeral of the United States.

It’s heart-breaking.


When Trump dies and his body stiffens,

he will finally be erected.


It takes a vile-age to make a Trump.


Posthumous pardon of Susan B. Anthony

is a good idea.

Trump should pardon her after he’s dead.

And that, hopefully, should be soon.


And the pandemic and the daily news every  day is so much worse than the worst post-apocalyptic story or game…
We need a break…
At this point, an alien invasion would seem like good news.


Teachers forced to return to the classroom

during the pandemic

should wear HAZMAT suits.

That would send a clear message

to politicians, administrators, parents, and students

that school is not safe.


We need to move the elephant out of the room

and out of the White House.


Check the speaker lineup for the Rep. Convention.

Two little-known senators.

One Congressman (McCarthy).

No former president or nominee.

Not a single cabinet member.

Trump is a virulent infectious disease.

For self-protection everybody who is anybody in his party is distancing.


Joyce as prophet of Trump,

Finnegan’s Wake p. 177

But would anyone, short of a madhouse, believe it?

Neither of those clean little cherubim,

Nero or Nobookisonester himself,

ever nursed such a spoiled opinion of his monstrous marvellosity

as did this mental and moral defective…


During a pandemic

being parannoyed

is normal.


I just dreamt that Trump killed hmself,

jumping into the Grand Canyon. I

t felt so good when I woke up,

until I realized it was a dream.


The Kink of Evangelicals

did not fall well.


A nunnery is a habitat.

A strip club is an uninhibited habitat.

The White House is a habitat for inhumanity.


The nation is suffering from acid refucks.

The cause of the problem lies in the White House,

and is regurgitated by Fucks News.


His campaign slogan should be

“Fuck America first.

His autobiography

“Russia Do You Hear Me?”


Of course he’s qualified.

His every lie is qualified by another,

layer upon layer of quality liability.


He would not make a good witness.

He was a non-observant Christian

and like most Trump supporters

he didn’t have a clue what was going on.


Trump want to reign?

Well, give him free rain.

Rain on his parade until he drowns.


Trump’s strategy is basesick.

His base is sick.


Trump’s new home-made cure for covid —

Put the lie in the coconut and shake it all up.


title for movie about racial justice in america —

Black to the Future.


The people said,

“We want to be free.”

Trump answered,


I’ll be happy to charge you a fee.”


All it takes is an S

to turn reign into resign.

That’s todays s-signment.


The Supreme Court should remove

Trump from office

on the grounds that his presidency

is cruel and unusual punishment

for everyone in the nation.

Author: Richard Seltzer

Now a publisher of electronic books, I worked for DEC, the minicomputer company, for 19 years, as writer, marketing consultant, and "Internet Evangelist." I graduated from Yale, with a major in English, and earned an MA from the U. of Mass. at Amherst in Comparative Literature (French, Russian, and German). At Yale, I had creative writing courses with Robert Penn Warren and Joseph Heller. Personal web site (with over 1000 documents) My published works include: The Name of Hero, historical novel (Houghton Mifflin) Ethiopia Through Russian Eyes, translation from the Russian (Red Sea Press) "...the most important book on the history of eastern Africa to have been published for a century...." Old Africa The Lizard of Oz satiric fantasy, "An intriguing and very entertaining little novel" Library Journal The AltaVista Search Revolution, the first consumer book about search engines (McGraw-Hill) "indispensable" Library Journal, Winner of the Distinguished Technical Communication Award, the highest award given by the Society for Technical Communication Publications. Web Business Bootcamp (Wiley) Complete list at Follow me on Twitter! @SeltzerBooks

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