Glenn Beck Defeated by Boycott, Ratings, Sensibilities

Dramatic drops in ratings combined with a lack of any reputable (top-of-market-paying) advertiser willing to be part of his show have finally taken their toll on Glenn Beck and his FOXNews program.

Beck offered a rare olive branch, saying, “…I want to verify something that is true,” which marked a noted departure for Beck, who normally avoids verifying the truth, preferring only espouses crazy conspiracy theories and conspicuous product placement for his gold, seed and Armageddon survival oriented sponsors. Read more Glenn Beck Defeated by Boycott, Ratings, Sensibilities

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Charles Manson Becomes Newest Member of Oprah Book Club

Corcoran State Prison, CA- You see what they try to do. They get in our minds. We gotta beat them by being in our own minds. You’re not the thought police. I’m the f’ing thought police. It’s because I think. They don’t think, you don’t think, but I think. That’s right! I think! I Think that stupid nurse thinks she can just do that stuff to me, but ohhh! Have I got news for her! Read more Charles Manson Becomes Newest Member of Oprah Book Club

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History of Snowboarding for Snowboarding History Buffs

Most sports enthusiasts are under the mistaken impression that the fine art of snowboarding is a recent development. Of course, most people who believe snowboarding is a fine art in the first place are snowboarders themselves who have suffered brain injuries due to not wearing a helmet.

We at the Snowboarding Historical Research Institute wish to correct that falsified thinking and present to you our Concise History of Snowboarding Timeline. Read more History of Snowboarding for Snowboarding History Buffs

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Tom Hanks Plays Bill O’Reilly in Upcoming Autobiography

In an upcoming autobiography by Bill O’Reilly in which he prefers not to play himself, O’Reilly has hired Tom Hanks to step in and portray the “love him or hate him” darling of Fox News Channel.

“At first I thought, man, this is really weird,” says Hank about being approached to play Bill O in the book. “But the more I read about O’Reilly’s life, I realized this guy really needs help, so I said sure, why not?” Read more Tom Hanks Plays Bill O’Reilly in Upcoming Autobiography

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AT&T / T-Mobile Merger Already Faces Grassroots Opposition

With the recent announcement that despised telecom giant AT&T would be purchasing T-Mobile for $39 billion came the launch of a grassroots opposition movement dead-set against the transaction. If you have an opinion about the merger, this may be of interest to you.

The site is called www.StopThisMerger.com, and it looks like it is going to cover all the news that you need from now until the merger is completed… or it isn’t. Read more AT&T / T-Mobile Merger Already Faces Grassroots Opposition

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Crazy Woman Buys AOL for Fair Market Value: Negative $315 Million

It’s already being called the deal of the century, and there are still eighty-nine years to go. Liberal news aggregator and alleged Gabor sister Arianna Huffington now owns AOL.

Media watchers are at a loss to explain what happened or why it happened. Some experts talk of a rapidly changing era of mass communication not seen since Steve Guttenberg invented the printing press. Others maintain the usually savvy Huffington has made a fool’s bargain this time. Read more Crazy Woman Buys AOL for Fair Market Value: Negative $315 Million

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Art You Don’t Want Your Kids Doing For Show & Tell

Being an ‘artiste’ is not an easy thing. At a book store I saw salmon print art that someone made by inking the side of a fish and pressing it to paper making a beautiful wall motive. I thought to myself “Hey, I can do something even better than that!”

Ever the intrepid doer I went out and got the necessary paper and utensils to set up shop myself. Of course, things always seem easier than they actually are. Read more Art You Don’t Want Your Kids Doing For Show & Tell

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Conservatives Protest Olbermann Departure

Isaac Newton once observed, “For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.” The truth of that is seldom seen more clearly than in the rough and tumble of American politics. And so it was this week as Tea Party activists launched candlelight vigils to return Keith Olbermann to the airwaves.

MSNBC’s unexpected removal of Olbermann from its prime time lineup is seen by many as a direct attack on Conservatives, and in the words of one Atlanta, GA protester “a damned dirty trick.” Read more Conservatives Protest Olbermann Departure

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Decision Points – The E-book (shocking revelations)

George W. Bush’s best-selling memoir, Decision Points, has been described as an unconventional narrative and a “groundbreaking new brand of memoir.” Rather than detail his life in chronological order, President Bush chose to center on the “fourteen most critical and historic decisions in [his] life and public service.” Read more Decision Points – The E-book (shocking revelations)

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Media Boycotts Year in Review Stories, “It wasn’t that memorable a year”

In a rare show of solidarity, all news outlets have agreed to cancel ‘Year in Review’ retrospectives for 2010. The late December fluff pieces have long been a staple of American journalism, due in large part to the low skill set required for compilation.

Said Rob Eubanks of the Houston Journal-Constitution-Herald, “Yeah, it’s always been a good way to get the interns out from underfoot. We usually get ‘em started in October digging through past issues. The kids take it real serious too; they’re hilarious like that.” Read more Media Boycotts Year in Review Stories, “It wasn’t that memorable a year”

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Wall Street Whizzes “Said Sorry”, Beg Public for New Nest Eggs

The front page of USA Today announced that ‘Five Wall Street Heavyweights say it’s time to “Get Back Into Stocks!”’

Yes folks, for those of you who are not unemployed or living out of a storage unit, it is time to take your hard-earned cash and put it back into the hands of those people who almost sunk the United States like it was the Titanic.

Hey, what the heck! It’s only money. It’s not like you need it to survive in our modern world. Read more Wall Street Whizzes “Said Sorry”, Beg Public for New Nest Eggs

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Glossy News Implicated In Wikileaks Treason Scandal

Office Of Homeland Security,
Washington, D.C.

To the Editor Brian K. White,

In the latest Wikileaks exposure, a document has been released that we find to be very disturbing. It is a missive sent via what are supposed to be classified channels from one of your ‘staff’, a Mr. Rfreed, to the Republican spokeswoman Sarah Palin. Read more Glossy News Implicated In Wikileaks Treason Scandal

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Bush Vetoes Nutcracker Appearance Claiming it Sounds Too Painful

George Bush has told his wife Laura that there is no way he is going to accompany her to any ballet, let alone a ballet titled the Nutcracker.

“Is she nuts?” asked George, who added, “no pun intended, heh heh heh.”

It is common knowledge that Laura Bush and even George’s mother, Barbara Bush, has been trying every year to get George to attend the Nutcracker Ballet but to no avail. Read more Bush Vetoes Nutcracker Appearance Claiming it Sounds Too Painful

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Wikileaks Insider Leak: Assange is Developing Nuclear Capabilities

United States intelligence sources are claiming that Wilileaks Founder, Julian Assange’s recent release of highly sensitive cables is just the tip of the iceberg of what Assange is truly capable of. They paint the picture of a man who considers himself to be one of the most important figures in shaping the way the countries of the world relate to each other. Read more Wikileaks Insider Leak: Assange is Developing Nuclear Capabilities

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Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

DETROIT, Mich. (Glossy News) — Coming years after the much lauded success of his beloved novel, “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” author Mitch Albom now returns to the best seller charts with “The Five People You Meet In Hell,” which he emphasizes is not a sequel.

In the first book, an amusement park maintenance man named Eddie dies unexpectedly while trying to save a young girl’s life at Ruby Pier. He unexpectedly finds that ‘life’ doesn’t end with his death. Read more Glossy News Guide: The Five People You Will Meet In Hell

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NPR to Use FOX Tactics to Survive In Modern US Media Climate

The recent Juan Williams firing scandal has led National Public Radio to realize that they need to develop more FOX News type media tactics if they are to survive. A radical top to bottom make-over has been ordered for the normally passive, low key, informational and culturally oriented nationwide station to bring them into a more aggressive and combative mode. It must be similar to the transformation Sarah Palin went through when she went from being the Governor of America’s least populated state to being the Cinderella of the U.S. Tea Party. Read more NPR to Use FOX Tactics to Survive In Modern US Media Climate

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