REYKJAVIK, Iceland (GlossyNews) — Pop singer Bjork (pronounced BEE-YORKKKKK, just like you are upchucking a bad pizza), always a fountainhead of new and eccentric ideas, has decided to help alleviate Iceland’s terrible economic problems.
Iceland, long a self reliant land, made a bad mistake by investing heavily in British stocks which plummeted in value during the current recession. Iceland teeters on bankruptcy.
Bjork is in a position to help with that as she is the only one in the country making any money at the moment. In fact, the entire nation is on unemployment except her. Because of international income from her concerts she is paying out 98% of her makings in taxes. She and fish make up the entire Gross National Product of the country right now.
Bjork has suggested changing the currency to cod. It is one thing Iceland has an abundance of, other nations want it and if all else fails you can eat it. There are endless resources of the fish and they would be difficult to counterfeit. The idea has been accepted, but there are difficulties. ATM’s have to be readjusted and occasionally de-slimed. Bank vaults must be enlarged and refrigerated. Determining denominations are difficult although most banks have agreed on simply labeling them ‘big’ and ‘small’.
A second idea is that of exporting ice. Iceland has lots of ice, hence probably the name. Unfortunately all the nations in close shipping distance to Iceland have plenty of their own ice except England who Iceland doesn’t want to have anything more to do with. A modification of this idea was to connect a lot of ice together and make a permanent island out of it. Hotels would then be built on it to attract tourists. If that failed, it could just be claimed to be a new nation and apply to the U.N. for aid.
A last ditch possibility would be to go back to the lore of Iceland’s forefathers – Viking raids. Somali pirates, acting as consultants to the volcanic country, are showing the Icelanders how to find success — and massive profits — out of piracy. In the face of recent lucrative pirate exploits, Icelanders reason that land invasions could net even more. Raids along the coasts of Britain and Canada could be very profitable. If proven fruitful, expanded operations could take in the U.S. and other European countries. Booty of both types could be brought into Iceland and help to replenish and repopulate the land. The idea of franchising the enterprise out to other struggling countries has also been discussed.