Rhubarbie Mugabe Joining EU – Que?

Robert Rhubarbie – the 126-year old bonkers dictator and President Forever of basket case Zimbabwe in Darkest Africa, has been in talks with EU officials about having sanctions lifted – and joining the EU itself.

After the talks in Harare, Rhubarbie’s grasping wife Dis-Grace called for international sanctions imposed after the disputed presidential election in 2002 to be lifted – declaring to Fux News and other assorted media hacks there for a free lunch and some scandalous gossip “If dese honky bastards from Brussels don’t lift de sanctions against us I sure am gonna rip someone’s balls off.”

However the EU team – on overhearing the mental case First Lady’s remarks – beat a swift retreat to their waiting Lear jet – forgoing their intended talks with Muppet Prime Minister Morgan Jigsawpuzzle– informing the media it was not yet appropriate for sanctions to end – citing the slow pace of reforms – (none) – and Mrs. Rhubarbie’s ‘mining’ interests – where she goes around the country with a heavily armed military escort kicking people off their property and requisitioning profitable businesses by declaring “That’s mine – and that’s mine – and that’s mine too!”

Rhubarbie’s ZANU terrorist party took power in 1980 following the Lancaster House Agreement and a pisspot election – all courtesy of – and backed by – the British Tory government’s Lord Peter Alexander Rupert Carington – the 6th Baron of Shitbridge – whose disastrous geo-political strategy turned a prosperous country under benevolent white rule into a basket case poverty-stricken nightmare – euphemistically termed a ‘Marxist Utopia’.

Rhubarbie assumed office as the Prime Minister – with the Very Reverend Canaan Banana in the largely ceremonial role of President – from 1980 to 1987 – a period marked by the comical passing in1982 of a law forbidding citizens from making jokes about his name.

In 1987 his post was taken over by Rhubarbie who declared himself President for Ever – and then commenced a campaign of harassment against Banana – ultimately having him charged – and imprisoned – for buggering the national football team and several other persons – including Minister for Firewood Joshua Pineapple and Secretary for Government Nepotism – Mr O’Dinga Grapefruit.

Following the fleet-footed departure of the EU delegation – and after locking his piranha-fanged rabid wife Dis-Grace back in her cage so she couldn’t savage any hapless news hacks – Rhubarbie informed the press that the perilous economic situation in the country was not his doing or fault but rather that of Western politicians who had imposed sanctions against him due his strict – but fair – code of discipline : specifically being a nasty cunt to everyone.

“You know I don’t bear no sense of responsibility for anything dat am gone wrong in Zimbabwe – it am all de fault of de honkys an’ de Western governments an’ international sanctions – an’ hopefully dese should be lifted soon.”

“Hey mon, like I am always said Zimbabwe and Europe belong together – and now me and Dis-Grace will be even closer to our Swiss banks once dese white monkey bureaucrats in Brussels let us join de EU’s Communist Federation of Europe.”

“I am already been having de quiet word in de ear of my very good Masonic blood brother from Kenya – US President Barky O’Barmy – of de Democratic Socialist party – and he’s gonna pull a few strings for me wid Baron Jakob Rothshite in London.”

Author: Rusty

Rusty's Skewed News Views are spoof publications, fired by the ironies of human nature and tempered with elements of satire and parody, and should not, therefore, be taken too seriously. These are inspired by traveling around the Earth more times than Skylab and composed while observing the inherent idiocies of Mankind. Thus lawyers be duly advised : All libel writs issued on behalf of offended humourless ego's and / or those blighted by unqualified arrogance herein lampooned may be addressed to : Rusty the Boddington's Badger, Igloo 27, Pasquinade Gardens, Penguin Parade, Ross Ice Shelf, Antarctica - or via TheSatireStall.Blogspot.com

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