Devon – where the welcome is as warm as the weather. “Gerroff moi laaand!” This is how you exercise social distancing, kids. Those of you too cool/selfish to adhere to the containment advice, please use condoms over the next few months to spare future generations from the pollution of your ignorance & stupidity.
Here are some of the reasons you should act like an adult for the first time in your wasted life, coming from somebody in the high risk category:
• Firstly, you’re undermining all the sacrifices made by those of us who actually are self-isolating by pratting around outside & going where you like, which makes it a waste of my time, so you can cut that shit out for starters.
• We should all be able to go any pub, club, group or society we like with our friends, to socialise & feel like human beings. I’m sure you want to as well, so stop fucking around.
• I’d like to be able to set foot out of the house to choose & buy the food that I like from a shop, rather than have my brother drop it off outside like some sort of leper colony.
• None of us will be able to watch any sports, either live or on telly, until you snap-out of being an infant. No Prem, no Euros, no rugby, no Olympics.
• Everyday that goes by that people can’t commit to work, there are possibly hundreds of businesses failing across every industry, resulting in a vast, impending employment vacuum & huge costs to all of us. I’d like to come out of this with more than just a skeleton economy. You’re exacerbating the situation & maximising the damage.
• The wage bailout, unprecedented drop in economic productivity & historic stock market crash caused by an unnecessarily drawn-out isolation period is going to have incredibly severe consequences for generations to come, in a way that your tiny, narrow mind cannot possibly comprehend.
• Despite the valiant efforts of parents across the country, children are missing out on vital education & social development, not to mention the free lunches whilst schools are closed.
• Parents are unable to go to work (if they are allowed to go to work) as long as they have to be home looking after their kids – who will inevitably start to go stir-crazy at some stage.
• I want my parents to be able to take my niece & nephew to the park. Stop robbing them of the precious remaining time they have with their grandchildren during their twilight years.
• I don’t like the idea of frightened, elderly people trapped alone in their own homes, without company, personal comfort or the tech knowledge to keep up to date with all the information. The longer you behave like an absolute dick, the more people will end up spending their final days in isolation & dying on their own.
• You are personally responsible for the spread of a lethal virus &, therefore, the subsequent overwhelming of NHS services. This will likely take the lives of hundreds or even thousands of frontline healthcare workers – heroes, who are literally sacrificing themselves to offset your entirely avoidable & mind-numbingly cretinous actions & behaviour. This is on top of the fact that, by electing not to create a physical barrier for whatever pathetic reason, you’re encouraging a surge of admissions & preventing innocent people from receiving the urgent care they desperately need simply to survive.
So please, take a step back & look at what you’re doing. If you know someone guilty of this level of self-centred ignorance, it’s perfectly OK to have a go at them. They’re hurting all of us. This is not about any individual, this is about a concerted, team effort to limit the harm to our health, wealth, development & happiness, both now & certainly in the future. Stay inside, exercise alone, one person to buy food as infrequently as possible, no group gatherings. We are all making huge compromises to our lives for the greater good. Except you. You are the reason this will last longer than it needs to. You are the reason elderly & vulnerable people will die needlessly early, & in great numbers, too. Everything you’re doing wrong is easy to avoid, & so is the virus. Time to grow up.