Trumpisms 6.0: Cos You Can’t Keep a Good Hater Down!


If Roberts rules for order,

he could right the Schiff of state.


Britain has its Brexit.

Now we need our Trumpxit.


Putin has finally confessed —

mea culpa

crime mea.

Trump should too,

as the metoo president.


As a cost-saving measure and to prevent foreign meddling,

Trump plans to replace our election system

with Twitter.

He is confident that he will never be de-tweeted.


Trump’s effort to divide the nation will fail —

He is a total nothing, a zero;

and you cannot divide by zero.


Hell to the chief


May you never again show your face to the Republic

for which you do not stand.


The enthusiastic fans yelled —

“Give them hell!”

Unfortunately, God was listening,

and took them literally,

giving them Donald Trump.


Trump’s alternative to healthcare for all —

wealthcare and the wall.


So the record will read

that one Republican Senator had a pear

when 50 of them should have had a peach.


Why would Trump never move to the Midwest?

For fear that he would be known as

The Little Louse on the Prairie.


Trump gets invited to many weddings

as father of the bribe.


From his business experience

Trump knows all about retailiation.


The new Fox game show —

Republican Limbo:

How low can the Barr go?


Dante rewritten —

The Swine Comedy

or De Senate to Hell.


Trump’s Oath of Office —

I will faithfully execute the Office of President,

by firing squad,

and will preserve, protect and defend

the Constipation of the United States.


Trump should form a band of bothers.

His cheerleaders would be trumpettes.

And he could play the dumbs.


If at first you don’t impeach,

try, try again.

Charge! on all counts.

Once again into the breach of the law.


Trump is extremely reliable —

he can lie over and and over again.


Name for a house of comfort in a retirement community —

Final Fantasy.

Its slogan —

No good wood should go to waste.


She thought he was the man of her dreams

until she learned he had no toes.

She was lack-toes intolerant.


“Howdy, Pardonner,”

said Chaucer to Trump.

“I’m sure you’ll do a hell of a good job.

No one knows Hell as well as you do.”


The judges have been benched.

Who ever suspected that they had a coach.

Now when will the coach turn into a pumpkin?

(He’s turning orange already.)


The checks and balances of American government

are like Rock, Paper, Scissors.

When the Rock decides he wins every time,

the nation is caught between

a Rock and a hard place.


Satan’s construction crews

are working overtime

to dig deeper circles of Hell

in preparation for Trump’s arrival.


Trump just fired another dozen White House staffers.

He heard that they went on walks at lunchtime,

and he won’t tolerate anyone having a constitutional.


Message to Congress —

If life gives you a swamp,

turn it into gatorade.


Therapy suggestion —

The fricking fracking wall-nut

in the White House

is nuts.

So grab him by the nuts

and crack them.


Trump has decided to build the wall

in New York

instead of at the Mexican border.

He’ll call it “Wall Street.”


Trump’s reconstituted constitution:

In order to form a more perfect onion,

establish just-is,

boost sales of tranquilizers,

provide for the common fence,

eliminate welfare,

and insecure liberty

I do disdain and disestablish this constitution.


Why did the Trump appointee

talk to a light bulb?

So he could say,

in good conscience,

that he spoke truth to power.


Why does Trump talk to his pet rock?

He hopes to learn how

to fool

all of the pebbles

all of the time.


Why should Trump read Sartre?

For self-knowledge,

since he’s an existential threat to the nation.


Trump’s apology to a lady he just groped —

Sorry. I thought that was a door knocker.


In India, Trump sang “Swami River”

and the guru replied —

“If you repent now and

devote the rest of your life to good deeds,

you may be reincarnated as a worm,

much higher than you are now.”


Trump to Modi —

Greetings from your cousins, the Indians of America.

And congratulations on your hin do attitude and

the success of Reincarnated Milk.


Trump was thinking of building a tower in India

and making it a massive delicatessen —

the Deli of Delis in Deli.

Then he decided to buy the Taj Mahal

and turn it into a casino catering to Hindus:

“You Bet Your Life.”


Re-choice! Re-choice! all ye de-voted!

Order a bloomberger

or a sloppy joe.

For Pete’s sake,

let St. Bernie come to the rescue.

Take Amy and fire,

or pick the Great Lizzie of Oz.

No matter what, Trump will come in turd.


Trump will soon claim credit for the Solar Probe,

which is now in position to study the corona up close

and find a cure for the coronavirus

Author: Richard Seltzer

Now a publisher of electronic books, I worked for DEC, the minicomputer company, for 19 years, as writer, marketing consultant, and "Internet Evangelist." I graduated from Yale, with a major in English, and earned an MA from the U. of Mass. at Amherst in Comparative Literature (French, Russian, and German). At Yale, I had creative writing courses with Robert Penn Warren and Joseph Heller. Personal web site (with over 1000 documents) My published works include: The Name of Hero, historical novel (Houghton Mifflin) Ethiopia Through Russian Eyes, translation from the Russian (Red Sea Press) "...the most important book on the history of eastern Africa to have been published for a century...." Old Africa The Lizard of Oz satiric fantasy, "An intriguing and very entertaining little novel" Library Journal The AltaVista Search Revolution, the first consumer book about search engines (McGraw-Hill) "indispensable" Library Journal, Winner of the Distinguished Technical Communication Award, the highest award given by the Society for Technical Communication Publications. Web Business Bootcamp (Wiley) Complete list at Follow me on Twitter! @SeltzerBooks

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