The Machiavellian Guide To Becoming President

The Machiavellian Guide To Becoming President
(as channeled from the nether worlds to his humble servants Donald Trump and rfreed)

Note to the historically impaired – Niccolò Machiavelli was a 15th century historian, writer and politician who emphasized using the Dark Side of the Force when ruling. Rumor has it that President Select Donald Trump keeps a copy of his book ‘The Prince’ at his beside to ponder over when he is finished with his Tweets for the night.

New insights from Machiavelli himself:

The wise leader must chose carefully his plans for Attaining power.
A decisive ruthlessness must be applied.
Use the power of speech to denigrate your opponent.
Do not hesitate even if this be a female, weaker, or even crippled.
A few well placed hard words are as good as many blows.

Do not mistake that name calling is just a sport for children
But is a truly effective tool for impressing the masses
To see things the way you wish them too.
Use the power the tongue has to influence
And where effective, to destroy.
The truth of what is being said is not important.

Use the prejudices and the mental affections of your followers
No matter how benign, inaccurate or mean spirited they may be.
These passions of theirs are the channels into their hearts
Though distorted and self delusionary they may be.
Exploit these secret concerns of theirs and make them yours
Even though they have little effect on your life.

Remember always that the little people,
The losers always have their fears
No matter what pretensions they may put on of strength, courage or Smartness.
Exploit these; they are your key to controlling them,
Using them to win the prize of position that you desire
These same fears, when properly manipulated,
Can turn them into useful lackeys
To destroy and tear apart those who dare oppose you.

Heed the counsel of those who also have power in the agencies below you.
Pretend to listen, agree with them when necessary
But always keep up the illusion with your followers that you are wiser than They
And continue to act in what is truly your best interest.
If they continue to contradict you, then replace them when able
With those who are more conforming to your ideal.
Be sure that those who you put into power
Understand your will, and what their suffering will be should they undermine it.

Use patriotism as an artifice to get the power you need
but make your only true patriotic loyalty
be to money.
That is your true friend.
Money can buy you what and who you need to be on top.
Get lots of it. Grab every penny you can.
Do not let those who wish to separate you from your
money generating machines do so.
Be clandestine and secretive with them.
Remember always- it is your money that got you where you are now.

Always maintain the illusion of being the smartest, the strongest, the best Suited
To the job you aspire to.
Temper it at time with the artifices of understanding, charity and compassion
No matter how these really gag you and work contrary to your attentions.
These pretensions will end up serving you well in the end
As they will make even your starkest opponents relax their concerns
And accept your tenets more easily
Even when it is subtly to their detriment.

In the steady onward bent of your ambitions,
Remember always how the great dictators of your present time,
The Stalins, the Ceausescus, the Kim Jong Ils
Always pretended to be working entirely for the betterment
Of the peoples they allegedly ‘served’
And lived full lives despite the many who would gladly see them dead.
Power and having plenty is a game for the bold and the ruthless;
Those who follow closely the rules of the game get their rewards
Of land, riches, women and the grand material life.
Those who don’t are losers

And we wouldn’t want that to happen now,
Would we?


It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both. Niccolo Machiavelli

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at