Jeremy Corbyn Double Bill (1/2): ‘Dirty Bread’ Shocker

The unelectable Sanders didn’t get the Democratic nomination, the electable HRC didn’t get elected, and the bizarre Donald is now leader.

But what about the allegedly unelectable 80s socialist leader from across the pond, who is now leading the Labour Party? Here’s a bit of a blast from the past.

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Jeremy Corbyn has been caught red-handed buying discounted bread. Here’s a quote from Johnny Littledick of the Hourly Fail:

Our highly trustworthy and no less highly existent source, who obviously cannot be named (let’s call him Ioan), saw Jihadi Jez furtively stuffing a garishly stickered and clearly misspelled ‘late nite loaf’ discount deal into his trolley at an Islington Waitrose.

More proof, as if more proof were ever needed about anything I have ever written about in my life, that the irascible Trot is prepared to piggy-back off the gains of an economic and political system he despises to the very core!

And would you trust the nation’s finances with a man who thinks 10% off a wholemeal loaf is a good bargain? I swear, you just couldn’t Littledick it up!

However, Mr Anonymous is a little inconsistent. The Faily Regress says the radical Marxist fanatic bought his “clearly gluten-rich and 100% non-organic” loaf at Asda, not Waitrose!

Yet clearly, this is no less hypocritical: the former public schoolboy’s ridiculous attempt to ‘geht dahwn wit dem plebs’ is a purely cynical and calculating move, and also a shameless act of cultural appropriation. Would you trust a political leader who buys his bread while participating in such a racist pastiche of the Afro-Caribbean community?

Also, on a rather minor and contingent but also 100% non-irrelevant side note, Corbyn also hates the Black and White Minstrels Show. So he is obviously a privileged bigot who secretly loathes and resents black people getting more representation on TV… unless of course it’s Crimewatch, or the latest shower of kooks, stoners, wifebeaters, and hyper-liberal PC Keynesfem harpies on Celebrity Big Brother.

Finally, Shy Ioan adds (according to one of the 68 various renderings of the following allegations):

There are also rumours which I cannot confirm, for reasons that I cannot explain, on account of motives that cannot ever be questioned…

That Hovis are making dirty money from illicit links to UN-sanctioned tyrannies: North Korea, Burma (as I like to call it), Rhodesia (the proper name!), Kurdistan, Jihadimurderstan, the ISLAMIC State (note the capitals!); oh and Mordor, Gondor, Barney McBlunder, and numerous other foreign countries where immigrants come from.

I mean, I’ve nothing against those people, but it’s the principle that counts!

Oh, and by the way: anybody seen Jez’s birth certificate?

… Nah, no reason!

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Story 2 follows with exceptional bourgeois-Kantian promptness tomorrow! Our Jez always did make the trains run on time!
Or was that our Tony…?

Author: Wallace Runnymede

Wallace is the editor of Brian K. White's epic website, Glossy News! Email him with your content at wallacerunnymede#gmail.com (Should be @, not #!) Or if you'd like me to help you tease out some ideas that you can't quite put into concrete form, I'd love to have some dialogue with you! Catch me on Patreon too, or better still, help out our great writers on the official Glossy News Patreon (see the bottom of the homepage!) Don't forget to favourite Glossy News in your browser, and like us on Facebook too! And last but VERY MUCH not the least of all... Share, share, SHARE! Thanks so much for taking the time to check out our awesome site!

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