Warren, Michigan – Donald Trump’s body may no longer be a living entity, but his hair, a combination of locks, tresses and curls, continues to carry on the great legacy of the man who will forever be known as the front-runner of the 2016 presidential election until he succumbed to death in a game of Battleship against Nancy Pelosi last week. Trump’s hair most recently spoke at the Chris Christie Condom Conference held on Friday afternoon that was sponsored by Republican Chris Christie’s presidential campaign. Trump and Christie, competitors in the upcoming election, remained close friends and were together at the time of his passing.
“Donald was always a fan of safe sex,” Trump’s hair stated as it magically floated like a butterfly on the stage at the popular Riverside Theater on Elm Street. Regarded as “Mr. Trump,” the hair has continued to run business as usual, following in the footsteps of its longtime host and owner. “He had the same answer for ISIS as he did for keeping sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) at bay. Put a highly durable latex coating over it,” Mr. Trump added, while pointing to a poster on the wall behind him containing the fifty shades of great condoms.
Although many have mixed emotions in regards to the late hotel tycoon, Republicans are joyous to have a vital piece of him still alive and leading their charge to the White House in 2016. The conference included several other political speakers, including Democratic presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, who offered video recordings of themselves reviewing the different types of STDs as a more secure form of protection.
Mr. Trump was thanked by everyone in attendance and is planning on speaking next at Super Bowl 50 on February 7th. For more information and current updates please visit www.TrumpDo.Org.