Categorized | Politics, War Zone

States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

States Planning Secession. United States Finished?

A new political entity was born today as all States west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is.

Fed up with decades of following a government that only recognized the needs and interests of those within a 200 mile radius of Washington, the League (hereafter referred to as the LSTRWRI to keep from using up all my printer ink) made Barrow, Alaska its capital, made Rand Paul its Emperor and named Sarah Palin its Queen just to keep her happy and quiet (not that she really knows anything about reality).

The first order of business for the new land was declaring Washington part of the Axis of Evil and digging trenches and gun emplacements on the west side of the Mississippi.

There was an attempt to draw the Southern States in as well, but they were hesitant, remembering what had happened the last time they seceded. Currency was immediately changed from the old, drab white and green stuff to a more vibrant and modern Euro type design.

North Dakota was forcibly annexed to gain control of the fracking fields as a source of revenue. All missile silos in Nebraska and Kansas had their guidance systems changed from aiming at Russia, China and Kim Jong Un’s favorite bordello to being aimed aimed at D.C. instead.

Militias from Michigan immediately petitioned to join the new territory, but difficulties presented themselves as Wisconsin separated them from their compadres. Many set out by boat and kayak across the northern shore to reach the safe haven of Duluth in the new land but were swamped and lost by Lake Superior’s notoriously treacherous waters (remember the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald?).

The new land, its name shortened to ‘Reality’ so that it would fit on road signs easier, put in a bid for being recognized as a nation with the U.N. This was immediately shot down by many, especially the surviving Michiganers, as being a sell out for, as they claim, “the U.N. doesn’t know its BLEEP from a hole in the ground either.”

A big ad campaign was put on to lure in the disenfranchised from the “Old Land’ as they called it emphasizing that the new Land was the ‘Real Thing’. They were immediately sued by the Coca-Cola company for stealing their slogan.

Plans were immediately drawn up to take British Columbia away from Canada to gain a land route to the new capital from the lower states. Canadians were not to pleased when they learned of it.

Hawaii refused to go along with the new situation and was blown out of the water as the first military exercise of the new country.


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I was born and I died.
Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles.

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