Open Letter to Undermining, Commie-Pinko Socialists


The situation is dire!
Our plans lay fast in rubble before us!

Our goal to subjugate the great capitalistic tyrant the United States and lead them to the glories of socialism has run aground. The attempt to sneak Marx-Engels philosophies into the pattern of American politics has been uncovered again and again by the ever intrepid FOX News and their highly elite and patriotic staff.

How they connected that the health care plan was our major tool in bringing about the revolution is beyond us. We thought that by continuing the Bush bailouts of their running dog financial institutions we would throw them off the trail but no, they were wise as the foxes they are named after and turned it against us. They now cry openly in their newscasts that it was all Obama’s doing. Curse their eyes! How can they catch on to us so easily?

Also our plan of taking the guns away from the fervent NRA patriots and then shooting them with their own weapons has backfired. Instead it made them more more determined to keep their firearms than ever before. Curses! How could we have been so blind as to not see that in their heart of hearts they were true believers in the Constitution and would fight to the death to protect it, or at least the Second Amendment. We would probably have wasted a lot of time prying the weapons from their dead, cold hands.

Even our plan to get girly men and manly girls installed in their Armed Forces has met with unexpected resolve. Those rapier sharp minds at FOX News are James Bond-like in their ability to discover and counter our every move.

But lose not faith, o brothers and sisters of the great revolution, we have had many successes over the decades. We have through crafty, rat-like patience and cunning helped to undermine American culture by integrating public schools, fire departments and libraries into their system, as well as Social Security and other grand implements of leverage which we will use ruthlessly to drive a wedge into the heart of the money hungry beast.

We can no longer count on Obama to be our puppet. He has shown too much independence of judgment. He does too much to pull the country out of the financial gloom that we hoped would capsize it and he listens too much to the people. The Democrats who were supposed to be the main vehicle of our takeover have proved to be too weak-kneed to be trusted. Even our main infiltrators Joe Lieberman and Dennis Miller have gone over to the other side. We will rely instead on the support of our glorious leader Vladimir Putin for instructions. He will lead us into the true heart of the collectivist life.

We will keep moving forward in our pure hearted quest. Our future plans include going beyond gay marriage and getting human/animal marriage allowed to further break down the family units, to allow not only gays into the military but goats as well, to force every employer to provide every employee with free prostitutes and gigolos for after work satisfaction, and to insist on all future churches to be built underground to avoid offending anyone of another denomination or religion.

We shall, I repeat WE SHALL bring this nation to its knees! We will liberate it in the same way that they liberated Iraq. And we won’t bother to rebuild either no matter what we promised!

[EDITOR’S NOTE: This of course, in no way, reflects the official view point of The Glossy News. We do however take seriously our role in presenting intelligent view points from all sides in a fair and open debate. We believe that posting this should not, in any way, affect our federal funding or other support we enjoy from the government. If it does, then let us know and we’ll delete this crap. ]

NOTE FROM ‘AMERICA FOR MONEY GRUBBERS ONLY’ CONSERVATIVE HACKER- Oh yes it does! These Commies who run this site are just saying that to throw Homeland Security off their trail. They are so pinko that even their underwear is red (and lacy, which brings about a whole bunch of other allegations)! React, fellow patriots, by sending them rotten tomatoes in the mail! There will be a tar and feathering party at their offices next Tuesday at 3 PM. Be sure to bring feathers!


2 comments on “Open Letter to Undermining, Commie-Pinko Socialists

  1. rfreed, I listen to vintage radio shows some. Used to be this show called ‘I was a Communist for the FBI.’ You have perfectly recreated in this piece, the overall tone of that show’s dialogue. Excellent sir, excellent!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *