It is obvious to me –I’m probably alone here– that FauxNoiz, MySpace-Dammit and Noizcorp have decided that they want to become the next Third Party in US politics. Murdoch and Ailes have made their billions on this crapo business/political scheme and now they intend to take over the whole place.
Rupi & Rog already own their airspace. So they will stage their party’s campaign completely on-air. All sponsored by those profit-producing commercials that have flocked to the network -er- political party because of Schmucko Beck. Not that they sponsor Beck. They just want to sponsor him…
You see, they only need a catchy party name. What will it possibly be? Of course, they’ve employed the best and the brightest consultants in politics from K-Street. But I think they would benefit from an outside view — way outside, I’m suggesting GLOSSY NEWS readers here.
So…now, a little brainstorming help here.
• TeaParty is such a bought-and-paid-for has-been name. It’s been boiled to death by their own lead witches: Spalin, Mbachmann & Co’Donnell. Nothing more to say here, they have done it all by themselves. And it’s on video at a YouTube near you!
• Should it be an english-only name, not translatable into Spanish? …Book Party?
This will be the immigration plank of the party platform, so all immigrants (code Mexicans) will have to learn our language in order to understand it.
• Should “Fox” be part of the name? …Fox House Party?
Fox has long been Republican code for sex, no matter which cabin of the Republican party you live in, sex is a given in all politics. Bar none. Except gays. Per usual.
• Should it be a serious name like, but not, Republican?
Goes without saying. But let’s not fall back into the Bush/Cheney ditch. And keep those Tea Baggers at arms length at the least, you hear. Their kind of activity among serious people is treasonous behavior no matter how good it feels. Man up.
• Should it be a funny name like Democrat?
Come on, this is serious business here, see above.
• Should it have an animal mascot with stars across the middle? …Shark?
Definitely, but this time make sure the animal doesn’t look like, sound like, or make fun of the general characteristics of the party. Everyone knows the 800# elephant in the room isn’t a Democrat.
• Should it be a made-up, mispronouncable name like Xe?
This relates to the immigration plank above, so be careful here. If in doubt, send it through the Google translator before deciding.
• Should it be a descriptive name like “The Do Nothing Party”?
This is the “party as big as a tent” plank and has the best chance of drawing in a whole lot of fence-sitting independents – this requires a lot of thinking – call in a consultant.
• Should it be a retro party like Whigs?
This plank could be the powder keg that blows the convention sky-high.
• Should it be an old Indian historic name like The Utes? The Coyotés?
The Indian Vote Plank just might be enlarged to include Hispanics if they learn the language and pass the immigration test.
• How about a Millennial name, maybe mimicking Broadway musicals…Cripts? Sharks?
This would bring in the 18-34 age group of voters and train them to vote early in life and not wait until they are the average Republican…55-78.
Rupert and Roger’s Great Adventure Party is my working title — I like that GAP comparative acronym and using the real names makes it seem like they are so personal and cuddly. Marketing, after all. It’s more than empty suits and talking points; but still coming out ill-dressed for the party.
More to follow…Send emails if you have any ideas that would help.