Paliens Infiltrate Sarah Palin Events to Undermine Conservatives

Little is known about the group calling itself “Paliens” but sources have indicated that they are a group of clairvoyants who are secretly infiltrating Sarah Palin events and using their supernatural powers to alter the intelligence of Palin herself to undermine the chances of the conservative party picking up any further senate seats in 2010. It is believed that the Paliens are part of a larger, more universal group that goes by the name “Libertaliens.”

So highly evolved are the Paliens’ thought patterns that they are able to not only sneak past security at all of Palin’s speaking engagements around the world, but they are also able to send silent signals to Palin, herself, willing her to misspeak and create controversy in order to singlehandedly bring down the Republican Party and cause a new, more powerful political party to rise up, driven by those intent on taking their country back from the existing government.

Some say that this is becoming a reality as the party whose beliefs and ideology most closely resemble this vision, the Libertarians, are becoming increasingly stronger on the political scene, managing to snap up the many inconsequential political posts in small-town elections, such as comptrollers, commissioners, and court clerks, with the belief that these posts will lead them to control the towns as constables and mayors, and eventually lead to one of the strongest candidates becoming President of the United States.

Disguising themselves in the colors of the aurora borealis, Paliens appear to be like anyone else in attendance at the various Palin book signing events and other Palin speaking engagements, and in fact, may look strikingly similar to your friends or neighbors. But upon closer look, you notice the glazed look in their eyes and the fervent nature of their speech which are both supposedly dead giveaways.

No one yet has had the courage to ask the person next to them if they are, in fact a Palien because of the powerful dread that overcomes them when seated next to one. “I swear I was sitting next to a Palien over in Point Lookout, MO when Sarah Palin spoke at the College of the Ozarks.” The reason I think this is because the man kept referring to Sarah as the great ‘Miss Communicator’ and when I corrected him to say that Sarah did not miscommunicate anything, he replied ‘no, I mean Miss Communicator’ as in ‘Miss Missouri’, ‘Miss America’, indeed ‘Miss Universe.’ He said it just like that. It was eerie. I started to believe everything he and Sarah Palin said with such conviction.”

So why Sarah Palin and why now? The only conclusion we can come up with is that ever since the Libertalien sub-group known as the “Qualiens” botched its attempt to bring down the Republican Party during George H.W. Bush’s campaign for President in 1988, by dumbing down the responses made by Dan Quayle at various media events, the Libertaliens have been looking for another candidate capable of carrying out their vision of putting a Libertalien in the White House.

The Paliens have come back stronger this time as is evident in the way that the Republican Party is trying to distance itself from Sarah Palin, but at the same time, many conservative politicians are drawn to her when seeking endorsements for upcoming senate races. Many of these conservative politicians have secretly mentioned a repulsion they have for knowing that they must ask Palin for her endorsement. For instance, Rep. Mark Kirk (R-IL) (no relation to Star Trek’s Captain James T. Kirk that we know of), in November of 2009, felt an overwhelming urge to ask for Sarah Palin’s endorsement for his upcoming senate run in 2010.

It is supposedly believed by the Paliens that the more conservative political careers Palin can destroy, the more Libertarian-like candidates can step up to the plate and actually attempt a take-back of the United States government. In fact, it is possible that the very person these Paliens are channeling through, Sarah Palin, may be their ultimate choice to rule their new Republic come 2012, as it is becoming increasingly evident that Miss Communicator is starting to believe the rhetoric the Paliens are willing her to recite.

Author: P. Beckert

P. Beckert's is one voice vying for frequency room at the top of the opinion dial. Angered and bewildered by many of today’s events, P. Beckert uses humor as a tool to fight against an onslaught of stupidity and ignorance that seems to permeate the airwaves and pollute the sensitivities of a once brilliant nation. You can find more at

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