Pioneering poverty busters the World Bank have followed the lead of the US government, whose recent decision to ban hate speech against underprivileged and widely despised economic minorities, such as filthy rich social media gurus and omnipotent oil barons has already signalled a new global dawn for the historically neglected virtue of economic tolerance.
An official proclamation from the World Bank, widely acclaimed on universally beloved human rights paragons like the BBC, CNN, Fox News, People’s Daily and al-Jazeera, reminds us of some uncomfortable home truths that have gone curiously unrecognised up to now.
WORLD BANK ECONOMIC TOLERANCE GURUS
When we’re in a position of privilege, we often forget that there are others who are not so fortunate as we are. For many decades, we blindly turned our eyes away from suffering corporate executives, because we naively assumed they were getting on just fine. But if true moral progress doesn’t mean expanding our circles of concern to others less fortunate than us, then at the end of the day, what COULD it possibly mean? Although we realise our past behaviour is inexcusable, we would like to offer our most heartfelt apologies to wealth creators and corporate persons, whose dire poverty and wretched economic conditions we trivialised. For as MLK once said, it is not the barbs of our enemies that really matter, but the silence of our true friends. For that, we simply cannot forgive ourselves, but our past lack of concern for the least among us is precisely what has led us to the point of true moral consistency. The following document makes truly harrowing reading, but we hope and pray (Hey Mammon, buddy, how’s it hangin’! Moloch, dude! We still cool, brah????) that this is the first step in a brave new order of social and economic justice. Inclusion has no borders, and nor indeed should the capital flows of our deeply impoverished and oppressed wealth creators and business executives.
Republicans and Democrats have released a bipartisan statement applauding the move.
GOP & DEMS
We are sick and tired of the constant hatemongering against the most vulnerable and precarious people in our society, and it’s about time people gained a full understanding of the sickening plight of the so-called 1%. If they’re called ‘the 1%,’ then maybe, just maybe, do you think the people oppressing and abusing and whipping up hatred against them might be the REAL bad guys?!
Our anonymous source from the California homeless community, whose identity we sadly cannot reveal because, y’know, reasons, and people cynically casting aspersions on our anonymous sources in general (this is a rabbit hole we just don’t want to go down any more!), has told us the following.
NON-IMAGINARY HOMELESS GUY WE, LIKE, JUST FOUND SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GARBAGE DUMP OR SOMETHIN’
Look, I’d rather it was these guys than me. There are like millions of us living on the streets in the USA, and only a few of those carbon gurus and expert IT enterpreneurs. Until I was finally bluepilled by the mainstream media and finally awoke to just how my homeless privilege had blinded me to my arrogant disregard and cynical neglect of those who are the least numerous among us (that’s an argument in itself, right?!) and the most widely subjected to irrational tides of loathing and arbitrary hate. I mean, to a lot of people out there, less than $100 000 a day might still sound like a lot, but privilege is a complicated thing. We’re all privileged and under-privileged in our own individual ways. This is all way too complicated, I just don’t think there’s any objective way of weighing these things up. All I can say is, now that I’ve finally seen the light, I just don’t want anyone else to be consumed with the arrogant, redneck ignorance that, to my undying shame, I used to cruelly inflict upon the wealth creator community. For after all: we are a country of wealth creators, built by wealth creators. But this much I can say: it is NEVER too late to turn back from hate. Become a homeless ally today! Be there for our top-ranking corporative executives of Wall Street, Silicon Valley, Big Oil and the Military-Industrial Complex, just when they need you most.
No, really. I swear! This totally happened! All our anonymous sources are every bit as real as the ones you find on Breitbart and CNN. There, that better for ya?!
We tried our best.
And please, the next time you’re tempted to rant and rave about corporate crybullies…
JUST REMEMBER WHO THE REAL OPPRESSORS AND VICTIMS ARE IN THIS SCENARIO.