Economists the world over have stated the news that everyone has been waiting for- that the long, draining recession has finally come to an end and that businesses will start hiring again. Unfortunately, the good news came to a screeching halt when it was discovered that all the workers for those positions had long since starved to death. This immediately plunged the world markets into another recession.

“It is unfortunate that we didn’t realize the importance of workers to business before.” stated financial expert Simon Uppercrust. “It now puts us in a real dilemma. We always considered employees to be a pain in the neck before, always whining about not having enough for food and rent, always taking capital away that could be used for taking over market niches. Now we see where they can be a real asset to financial survival.”

“Companies are going to have to try other means of getting staff.” commented business analyst Pred A. Tor. “Schools are being raided for anyone tall enough to reach over a work table and get something done. Hospices are being emptied out to get a few weeks work out of dying patients and hoping they croak before they have to be paid. We can’t let the business world stop just because some people have starved to death. Since when are people more important than industry?”