Rock Legends Reveal Secrets to their Longevity (Rolling Stones Get Their Ya-Ya’s Out On World Tour)

Sir Mick Jagger and his Rolling Stones rock group began their “Never Say Die World Tour” last night where we caught up with Sir Mick, 80, in his dressing room after he finished a 3-hour, 35-song concert in Madrid, Spain, before another SRO crowd of 69,000 rowdy, screaming Stones fans. He discloses how he gets his ya-ya’s out.

Q: Shall we call you Sir Mick?

A: Mick’ll do, mate. ¿Qué pasa?

Q: You’ve turned 80. You ever going to retire?

A:  Show must go on. Long as I can keep doing Jumpin’ Jack Flash without bustin’ a gasket me and the blokes’ll keep at it. But then again, you cain’t always get what you want, right?

Q: You look good for 80. How you do it?

A: Lots of bloody jogging, mate. Did 8 miles today, 45 miles so far this week On a special organic diet of wheat germ, carrots and alfalfa sprouts, do lots of vitamins and supplements. Cut down on the booze and weed, innit sick? And gotta love me mates, he’s a right mockney wanker, that Keith, not like those tabloids and paparazzi claiming we fight like the devil….

Q: You mean Keith Richards?

A: Who ya thunk, Keith Moon?

Q:  Sorry, no offense, Mick.

(Mick sips from a bottle of green liquid, looks like seaweed)

Q: So Mick, where you see yourself in 20 years? When you’re 100?

A: Tell you one thing, mate, if I’m still doing Satisfaction, shoot me.

Q: Hey, speaking of the devil, it’s Keith Richards, just talking about you, bro.

(Jagger interrupts: Thought you interviewing me, dawg?)

A: Richards: He wants to talk to me, dick.

Q: Keith, is it true you’re doing 85 cities in 85 nights? That’s quite a heavy slog.

A: Innit sick? Gotta lay off the ciggies, coke, and smack, done that been there. And get at least 2 hours of sleep a night. That’s pulling a right blinder.

A: (Jagger interrupts): You actually think he looks good? Look at the bloody wanker, those furrows in his face, bloodshot eyes, looks like hell.

Richards: You weigh like 65 pounds. Ya think that looks good?

Jagger: Yo’ mother’s a whore, bitch.

(Roadie interrupts.) Limo’s waiting for you, blokes. We gotta go.

Jagger & Richards leave singing, It’s Only Rock ‘n’ Roll.


We caught up with Sir Paul McCartney where we interrupted him doing eye yoga exercises outside his home in the Hamptons in Long Island before his upcoming “Got Back” tour of 13 U.S. cities. Sir Paul credits the eye yoga for his great eyesight.

Q: Sir Paul, quite an honor, sir. Shall we call you Sir Paul?

A: Just Paul, luv.

Q: We hear you do yoga daily. Is that the secret to you looking so young?

A: I do a headstand too, helps me blood circulate. Luv, this meatless diet I’m on means I’m starving for bacon and sausage, been years since me had lamb, but we gotta be kind to the animals, right? George and John always said I had the best hair. John, right bastard needed thick glasses, blind as a bat. Hey, it’s bloody Richard Starkey. What’s going down, drummer boy?

A: (Ringo Starr) Just did a gig on the tom-toms. With me All-Star Band.

Q: Ringo, for 81, you seem quite healthy.

A: Off the booze and coke, luv. Feels right good to be sober.

Q: You on a veggie diet too?

A: Heck no. I vomit on that crap. Can’t wait to get some real Scouse food–love that lamb with potatoes. My boy Paul here going to take me out to eat. Paul, let’s go. I’m starving.

Q: There goes Paul as he takes Ringo by the arm for a meal at the local vegetarian restaurant.


We caught up with Madonna as she was doing her Kabbalah religious studies which she credits for her spiritual and physical rebirth.

Q: You sure don’t look any 69, Madge…

A: I’m 63.

Q: Whatever. Maybe always looking for meaning through that Kabbalah thing keeps you young. You’re not the Material Girl anymore?

A: I like to think I am taking people on a spiritual journey. I am my own experiment. I am like my own work of art.

Q; You’re not Like A Virgin?

A: Life is a journey to remove the Solace between ourselves and humanity.

Q; You mean, Like A Prayer?

A: Like I grew up with strict parents. Son of a bitch father didn’t understand me, kept telling me what to do.

Q: And you told him, Papa Don’t Preach?

A: I’m like on a heavenly quest for higher truth. You gotta problem with that? Like, gotta run.  Late for my class at the Kabbalah Centre.


We found Ozzie Osbourne, 81, in a natural high, now that he’s signed off drugs and liquor.

Q: Ozzie, you’re looking better than we’ve seen you in a long time.

A: Where’s the bloody wanker? What the F(bleep) am I saying? More to do at home.

Q; So you’re off the booze. How long since your last drink?

A: Best I remember, about a day. Hysterical, ha.

Q: What else?

A: Don’t smoke, don’t do nuttin’, pretty flippin’ boring now. Where the Fbleep) am I?

Q: How you do it?

A: Mumble, mumble. Mother-F(bleep) what the F(bleep) going on?


Q: And there you have it for tonight.

Be sure to tune in next week when we sit down in the kitchen with Bob Dylan to talk about his 3-year Rough and Rowdy Ways World Wide Tour and how at age 80, he keeps young through his secret recipe for making shrimp casserole.

Author: Eric Green

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